Peace and goodwill

Today was an amazing day at work. It was one of those days that we all hope for yet rarely see. Everyone was in the Zone and as a result everyone was at a place where they could treat each other with dignity and respect. It reminds me of why I work where I do. To able to stand back and watch as the young ladies interacted in a completely appropriate manner was actually heart-warming. Yes Alice they really do have feelings and those feelings are what endears them
to us

A day in the life

Well once more life at work crashes in on my reality. One of the young ladies became so angry at other people and instead of telling them how she felt she went for the self injury route. She is fine yet the impact on those around her was pretty intense. That is for staff as well as other girls. The floor feels so tense and I am sure it will not take much to set it off. My co-workers continue to do an outstanding job at helping in every way possible. Their interventions are both traditional and so creative and as a result they deliver the best quality care anywhere! The most amazing part is they do this day in and day out, sun up to sun down and they do it with Dignity and Respect.
We as a staff may struggle with communicating with each other but when it comes to helping those we serve we are on the same page and mostly the as line!
Alas, I still struggle with letting my co-workers know how I truly feel about how good a job they do! So... Hey, you are all doing a great job!

Sometimes I wonder

Today was a somewhat disheartening day. There is a young lady who did not get to see her baby daughter yesterday and as a result became very upset. Kind of understandable, yet her behavior was not the kind that would get peoples attention except in a negative way. Now I do not believe that is what she was looking to do yet that was the end result. When I heard what happened I spoke with her and said it must have made her sad and understood that feeling. She began to cry and sob and I let her express the feeling in a more appropriate manner than yelling and cursing.
Now she still took her bed for the rest of the day but at least she knew that we knew what was behind the behavior yesterday and we also were able to help her use a new coping skill (crying) to express the feelings
Here once again we found the antecedent and then removed it. The behavior not only ended but she was able to replace it with one that enabled her to get the support she desperately needed and wanted. Now this is not ROCKET SCIENCE yet we still struggle with answering a behavior ( theirs ) with another behavior ( ours ).
Once I began to look at behavior as a form of communication, I was able to begin to understand that what I need to do is find what is driving the behavior and deal with that ( antecedent ).
You don't need to be a parent to understand how she must have felt when she could not see her baby. You just need to understand feelings and not focus on the behaviors. In other words forget the facts sometimes and listen for the feelings. They will guide you as to what to do.
After all, we are here to help and role model. Not levee consequences.

What was I thinking!

OK, Like I said I have trouble with delegating. It appears I also have trouble saying NO! Here is a day when I had personal things to do but what did I do, I helped out at work! Something good did come from it and for that I am grateful . You know what I mean.

Tuesday and rest

Today is my day off, well it's a day when I am not at work. I still have more commitments than I would like on a day when I need to re-charge my ebbing energy. Looks like I still need work on delegating!
Ever get the feeling that the world is lopsided and you are in the lower half. Life becomes a constant struggle trying to get to higher ground when in reality you just want to get to level ground! Now that was an eye opener for me, understanding that I didn't need to hold the high ground. That to level the field would help everyone work together and not against each other.

Paradise Lost? Maybe not

As I have said many times before to anyone who would listen, each day is truly a new beginning. The day started nice and then within minutes of 7:30 am began to unravel right before our eyes. People sick, people angry, and people just plain refusing to do anything. What a time to stop drinking coffee! Yet once again we were able to motivate those we could and find the antecedents of the ones that were angry so we were able to get them started once again. By the time school started we had the situation in hand and almost everyone at school or heading in that direction.
Thank God level heads prevailed! With the help of the RN we even we able to bring all but one girl to the Cafe.
After Lunch it just started all over again. Girls angry and threatening other people. Anxiety was the overall feeling on the floor. With the help of staff from other places we just forged ahead and were able to remotivate everyone to move on to the next activity.
OK, here I must say that my co-worker was a shining star, as always. Without her help I would have thrown in the towel many times if not for her energy and skill. She was able to deal calming with folks that had me on the edge. Thank You!
Keep in mind that all this went on before 1pm, and then it started all over again. Yelling, screaming,cursing, threats and the throwing of the shoes to boot signaled the start of round three. By the time the next shift arrived for work things appeared to be once more calm.
Blessed be the peace keepers for theirs is a very hard job!
GOOD WORK!

Another day in Paradise

So another day is over and everything worked well today. We, the staff , maintained a safe environment where those we serve we able to interact we each other in a fairly respectful way. We were even able to go for a hike in the woods without all the fuss that sometimes can happen between young ladies!
I forget sometimes how much fun we have together when the internal and external stuff does not get in the way. We work just as hard either way but one way is so much more pleasant than the other! You would be surprised how much relationship building you can do on a hike!

Full House

OK, I am sitting at the computer and all of a sudden the door opens and in walks my brother-in-law and his family. Now keep in mind that my daughter her boyfriend and their laundry are already here so now I have 9 people in my quickly shrinking house and everyone is hungry! Now somewhere I realise that I like these people but right at this moment I want them all gone. Alas to my horror they will be until Sunday night! Somehow the pharse relaxing evening is not working for me now! I will need to get out of the house or I will lose my mind!
I just have to keep repeating to myself " I love these people, I really do" and not "are we having fun yet"?

Expect the unexpected

The great thing about my job is no two days are ever the same. For those people who need to know exactly what they will do day after day this is not the job you them. On the other hand sometimes it would be nice to know what to expect other than the unexpected! One thing is for sure it keeps you on your feet, or else you get buried. Today looked like it might turn into a horror but things fell into place nicely and the day went rather smoothly. When you work with good people and communicate things work out.
As the day wore on and each new "dilemma" arose we worked to find a solution that worked for everyone involved. Not the easiest thing to do at times but today it all just worked!

A note before I go

I am constantly amazed by the young ladies I work with. They have lived lives that have been so insane and at time cruel yet they can touch you in way that is always unexpected. OK they can be hell on wheels at times but once they allow you into their safety zone they change right before your eyes! Trust is such a large issue for them all yet they continue to let people in. I adimre how at times they can speak of feelings so clearly with a language i only wish I possessed.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I am also always amazed by my co-workers and how they put so much of themselves into this place. Their investment is huge. No matter how poorly they are treated they keep coming back with dignity and respect, time after time. I wonder if they know how much I admire them. Propably not because other than here I don't say it aloud to them . I am sorry for that and I will change that .

Be kind to each other

I have found that one can attempt to role model something but if nobody gets what you are doing, well what's the use. So as a result I will tweek my approach and I will tell my co-workers what I am doing as I do it. The concept is simple, treat everyone with dignity and respect. It doesn't matter if they treat you that way or not. We need to show them not just tell them, and we need to start with each other, yes, you and me first. Then those we serve.

Be kind to me day

OK that's it As of Thursday evening I am Offically outta here. No, NO, I am not leaving the job. I am going to go incommunicado for at least all of friday, No cell phone, No computer, no Kidding! I am going to get in my car and drive. My distination will be a surprise, I'll know it when I get there. If anyone is looking for me well tough luck. I am handing the reins over to the Exec. Vice president for Day! I NEED a mental Health Day! I have watched out for every one else this past week now it is time to watch out for me. If I sound bitter I am not. I am just tired and I need a break.

RAMBLINGS

I am fried here at work, the last two weeks have been one crisis after another. Well that's not exactly true. It has only been one CRISIS but it just keeps on going. There is now an end in sight. I have lost sleep over this and I rarely loose sleep! I worry all the time and feel alone except for some stolen moments that are allowed me. I at times become an emotional time bomb just ticking and threatening to explode. I hate the feeling. I only wish my command of communication were better so I could express just how overwhelmed I have been.
I need to be able to DELEGATE yet there are times when there is no one who will step up. So I just enable my co-leaders by doing things myself! I either have to change or I will need to remove myself from the stress. You know I love this blog. I can come here and write things I would never say out loud. I can do this because very few people read this and as a result those who do have become a support for me in two ways, reading and then leaving a comment. I am grateful for those who do. You know who you are.

Apple of my eye

I spoke to my daughter last evening and during the conversation I let her know two things that I needed her to know. First that she was and always will be the apple of my eye. That it was my daughter that taught me how to be a dad and more importantly how to be a man. I know this may sound strange but that is what it is. My daughter would sometimes say to me that I loved my son more than her. I was never able to explain to her how so very much she means to me, because I was foolish enough not to share just how I really felt about her. Shame on me! She knows exactly how I feel about her today and my plan is to keep it that way. Second, my son has special needs and because of this I must say I cut him lots of slack while not cutting my daughter almost any! Her perception was I loved him more. I do love my son up one side and down the other but My daughter was my first child, she was my teacher. She was and is and always will be, "The Apple of my eye".

Down Time

Sunday is here and the weekend is all but over. Errands will take up much of my Sunday but then again I have the day off so I should not complain too much. Errands....just the word sends unpleasent feeling to my brain! So many errands, so little interest! Well I did have a day where I was not the one who had to make all the decisions. I did enjoy giving up the weight of being the responsible one!
I do feel like going on today so here I go!
We went to see "TRANS AMERICA" with friends last evening and if you have not seen this film I suggest that you do so. It is a thought provoking film to say the least. I enjoyed the film but I also enjoyed the discussion that followed over a late meal!

Hey You.....

Hey you!
You know who you are!
Aloha!
Have a great time!
See you when you get back.

Comfort Zones

We all have our own comfort zones that enable use to live a relatively "normal" life. But just take away our comfort zone or try and diminish our "bubble" so to speak and we are thrown into an emotional upheaval. Would we let someone do this to us? I think not, thank you! Yet inadvertly we do this to the people whom we serve more often than not without even thinking about it. Small things to us may not be that small to someone else, in fact it may be catastrophic to them.
I think it is time to stop and revisit the way we use ourselves and the tools we have available to us while at work in regards to things like.....Food, clothing, school, Self-esteem, just to memtion a few.
After all are we here to help them or place road blocks in their way?

Courage

Just what is this thing Courage. Some people seem to have an abundance of it and others seem to have none at all. I sometimes ponder just what exactly it is. I always liked to think courage is nothing more than being afraid of something yet doing it anyway. The young girls that I work with at times demonstrate courage in everything they do each and every day. I look at them and think to myself would I be able to talk about the things they do? Would I be able to ever trust a living soul again after what they have been through? I stand in awe of their courage.

Thursday March 9, 2006

Sorry folks no posts today! If I find the energy maybe later tonight.

I don't need no stinking hats

It's amazing what a soak in the hot tub can do for ones stress. I won't say it's all gone but I will say I have achieved relaxation! Now for some sleep!

One too many Hats

This is going to sound like I am complaining and I am. Sometimes those that I work with and those whom employ me can be the biggest pain in my Butt! I sit here emotionally drained as I try and sort though all my thoughts and feelings of the last 9 hours! I felt so completely alone at one point today and just wanted to say "the heck with it" OK mybe not those exact words but I bet you know what I mean. Well I made it through the day with my sanity and now I can just zone out for the next few hours. I will not answer my phone even is god is calling. What she would want with me is beyond me anyway!
Time to rest and get ready for the next part of the insanity coming soon.

Food.........

Food just a little word but what an impact on each and every one of us. Under the best of circumstances we use food for many reasons, under the worst we use food to keep people away, to fill an emptiness that seems never to go away. We use food feel better. We use food to slowly kill ourselves by eating too much or too little. Let's face it we all have issues with food!
So How do we help someone who is slowly killing themselves with how they use food?
Can we make them eat? Can we make them stop? We can teach them what is healthy to eat and what is a healthy portion. Yet until they (those we serve) begin to deal with all the issues why the use food they will never stop!
Should I become the food police and follow them around and point out that they are making poor food choices. I am sure this will make them want to follow my directions.
Dignity , Respect and honesty is the way.

Keep your hands off of my pie

OK we all have our turf and we will defend it to the bitter right? Well although it seems to be human nature to do this, it just makes working together a complete misery. Why do we have such a hard time in trusting our co-workers? OK there are many reasons but can't we just let it go! More past, slide on down the road, get the point!
If we can't builld a working relationship with each other We will never be able to build one with the people we serve! We will never be able to role model respect to them when we do not respect each other! They are not blind, deaf or non-hearing. They see how we treat each other, how we talk to each other and how we listen to each other!
Why do we expect them to be respectful when we struggle with respect?

Town Meeting Day

OK today is Town Meeting, that is when everyone in town gets to vote on schoolboard members and if there are any issues that need to be discussed well we discuss the hech out of them. Brattleboro, My Town, does not hold a town meeting but we do have an austrialian ballot today. I will vote and let my voice be heard.
So any of you Vermonters who stop by the blog today PLEASE remember to vote and or attend your town meeting.
Freedom isn't free. Protect yours!
Stop for a minute today and remember those serving in our armed forces without their efforts there might not be town meetings.

Working toward the common goal

One day I will work at a place where everyone is working toward a common goal. For most of my working life I have worked at places where there was a stated common goal but in reality it was not a goal shared by all. So needless to say the goal was never accomplished. It is hard to change ! I find myself , at times working against the common goals. Imagine what it is like when the common goals are blurred or non-existant.
I need to learn to let go of control that I really do not have.! I am not in control of anyone by myself.
Without the support of those I work with the common goal will never be met. Without a basic relationship with co-workers we will never be able to role model dignity and respect. Without dignity and respect those we serve will never be afforded the oppunity to see how adults are supposed to interact with each other. They already know how to be angry and distrustful they do not need me to reaffirm that.

Trauma

Today, We once again were confronted with a young lady that self-harmed, it was not life threatening. For that we were all grateful. As the events unfolded I was once again amazed by my co-workers and how they did all they could do with dignity and respect throughout the entire day. I believe that things worked out well as a direct result of how well we worked with each other as well as those whom we serve. They never lost sight of each and every one of the girls and how each one was or could have been affected by the incident. They also never lost sight of how we too were affected. I am part of a team, and that helps us get through really tough times and still be respectful and also be a role model to those who need to see adults that are not threatening or angry.

Touch me ...Touch You

Touch How important is it? How long can we survive without human contact? Can we survive without human contact? What is the first thing we want to do when we see another person in pain, any kind of pain? Do we not want to reach out and make it all better by touching them. A hand on the shoulder, a pat on the back, a hug. We all do it.
My question is what does it mean to not only the person touching but also the person being touched! My guess is it is not the same for both. I rarely will touch someone I serve but Once in a while I will. I always ask permission before I do and if they say no then I don't. Sometimes the reason for touching is unclear, is for me or for them?
So what is the deal with touching? One never knows what a touch will mean from one minute to the next that is why I rarely will touch. I work with young girls who have had some physical abuse in their lives and I don't want to become someone who inadvertly re-traumatized them by any kind of physical contact.
Yet physical human contact is so important.........Here then is my quandary. To touch or not to touch. For now, that is the question!

Working Together.............

Felix Warneken, is a scientist at the Max Planck Institute.

Felix Warneken was in a tough spot. While hanging laundry, he had "accidentally" dropped a clothespin out of reach. Stretch as he might, he couldn’t grab it.
He even cried out, "My pin!"

A young chimpanzee sitting nearby picked up on Warneken’s distress and retrieved the clothespin for him.
Since the chimp received no reward, or even a "thank you," this experiment indicates chimps can be altruistic, a quality many scientists thought only humans possessed.
Interestingly, if Warneken threw the pin deliberately, neither chimps or humans would pick it up. They only retrieved it if they could infer that Warneken needed it to complete his task.

In another study in the journal, researchers observed that when a task requires more than one set of hands, chimps call on "experts" to help out.

Researchers placed a food tray outside the chimp’s cage. Pulling on a both ends of a rope attached to the tray was the only way to bring the food within reach. But the ends were so far apart that the chimp had to enlist a helper.
"The experiments show that chimpanzees spontaneously recognize that when they are faced with a problem they cannot solve on their own they need to recruit help," said study coauthor Brian Hare of the Max Planck Institute.
The chimps quickly figured out which chimp was best at rope-tugging and selected the expert more frequently

Yesterday and Today

Sometimes it is hard to put yesterday out of our minds when we are dealing with the here and now ( Today).
Yesterday gives us insight into all the possibilities of where somesome or something may go. Yet yesterday also clouds our judgement and as a result we tend to want to impose restraints upon someone or something to make ourselves feel more at ease with the situation. Now there is nothing wrong with this per say except that it does not necessarily help the person with whom we are serving.
So where is the middle ground?
Should there be a middle ground?
My thought is to ask the person and together work out a solution. Co-management I believe is the way to proceed.

Lighter Side

http://sfpl.lib.ca.us/news/onlineexhibits/amusing/
Follow this link to a time forgot.

A Drop in the Bucket...

When I am at work it is not about my feelings or my values. It is not ever about me it is always about those I serve. Whether they are being respect to me or not I will be respectful to them as best I can. If I do not model this behavior I thought no one else would! Thank goodness I was wrong in that thinking. There are others, more and more each day, who begin to treat each other as well as those we serve with dignity and respect!

Memories

Memories are what keep us going at times. They can bring a smile to our faces and remind us of all kinds of things both good and bad. We all know how to deal with good memories and we all like to remember good things. Yet it is the bad memories that we have real trouble with. Some of us will remember Bad things and just go on with life. While some of us can not move past bad memories for many reasons. Imagine if you will horrific things that have happened to some of us and all the feelings that come along with those feelings. For some of us it is the feelings that are so had to deal with. I encountered a young lady today that was feeling so bad about herself and at the same time so lonely that she just did not want to feel anymore! So she self-injured. As the blood appeared so did the feelings! Luckily the wounds were not so deep so she was not in any life threatening danger.
Trauma cuts both ways, excuse the pun as none is intended, it affects the ones that self-harm as surely as it affects the ones who attempt to see them through these difficult times. Once again we come to treating others with dignity and respect. If we stop them do we really stop them or do we teach them to no longer talk to us when they are feeling unsafe or overwhelmed with emotions because we feel uncomfortable with their coping skills. Albeit coping skills that really are not working to keep the SAFE.

Big Brother is watching......

This is scary stuff! The case goes to court in a few days. Am I paranoid or is there a real attack on our personal freedom happening here? Where I go ,what I do, who I do it with, is nobody's concern but my own! Voice your concerns with anyone that is within earshot of your voice! Today Google....... ?

Why is it that when we feel threatened we want to make like John Wayne and circle the wagons. Does this really make us feel safe or give us the feeling we are in control? Could we be just blind monkey's missing all the real communication others are attempting with us!
What would happen if we just listened to others? Without worrying about what we will say in reply! Sometimes listening says more than our words ever will or could. Remember it is others perspective not ours that counts. Be humble and treat others with dignity and respect. You will be amazed at their reaction!

Why do we need to use consequences?

A young lady I work with said to me today "Why are all the consequences negitive"
"I feel I am being punished"!
Wow! let me get this right... our consequences do not make things better? They only make things worse!
Screw that, I don't want to make things worse.
What does someone do to help someone else make better choices. If I can't make someone do something how will they figure it out? If I can't manage them how will they manage themselves?
Maybe they should be part of the solution, give input and feedback! Co-manage...
I work at a place where we are attempting something so new it scares those of us who work there because it makes us come to terms with the fact, WE ARE NOT IN CONTROL!
In reality those we serve are the ones in control! Some of us have a hard time understanding this! After all we are the grown-ups, we know what is best for those we serve. Don't we?
Well maybe we don't, maybe we don't know jack about them or their problems. Maybe what we need to do is begin building true relationships based on dignity respect and honesty. If you visit this blog more than once you will see that pharse repeatedly...DIGNITY RESPECT HONESTY. easy to type but it can be so hard to live by, after all we are all human and we feel like everyone else. What touches me touches everyone I interact with!
This is going to take some work......Tune in and judge for yourself...
Feedback is always welcome....Thoughts and ideas are also more than welcome.
Share what you can.