Trauma

Today was a very hard day once again for my co-workers and I. My whole day was spent in meetings or working to help a young lady from inflicting self-harm . I had a lot of help in dealing with her and we all did an amazing job. The young woman in question also did amazing work to feel feelings that most people would do our best to avoid. She did her best to stay in the here and now feelings like hurt, abandonment, loneliness. Yet there were times when she moved toward anger and began to lash out at staff and herself. She began to bang her head quite hard against the wall and would not stop. Verbal interventions were not working so in an effort to prevent her from causing severe damage to her head we held her in a supportive way to prevent the head banging. This did work yet it was a tough thing to do as the young lady was very strong and also very agitated. As we held her we continued to use supportive verbalize with her reassuring her she was safe and also that she was doing a good job de-escalating.
This was the second time I intervened with this young lady and I was expecting a battle yet she was working hard to not hurt staff or herself, something she could have easily done if that was her plan. That was not her plan, her plan was to hurt herself and she was able to not do that today. She cried instead! A cry that came from a pain unknown to me but I understand the healing power of tears. I also understand the incredible inner strength this young woman possess that enables her to live day to day with such intense hurt and pain.

I suffer emotionally when I have to place hands on someone in my care. I work hard to build a therapeutic relationship with each of the people under my care. When it was over I sat and processed the incident with the young woman and make sure I knew she are safe and understand why and how the whole thing happened. I also apologize for placing hands on them. This does not make it better but it does let them know I respect them and still care about their welfare and safety.