Missing the point

Protesters unlikely to get day in court
By BOB AUDETTE, Reformer Staff



Tuesday, March 6
BRATTLEBORO -- If protesters who unfurled a "SHUT VY" banner Monday morning at Entergy's headquarters are hoping to get their day in court, they are sadly mistaken.
That was the sentiment expressed by State's Attorney Dan Davis, after the four anti-nuclear protesters were cited by the Brattleboro Police Department for unlawful trespass.

Davis has said in the past -- which he reaffirmed Monday afternoon -- that he has no plans to let the protesters use the overloaded court system as their political soapbox.

"Although it's going down, we have a backlog in our criminal case load in district court," said Davis. It's inappropriate, he said, for the protesters to use the courts as "another forum to make a political statement."

The four -- Elizabeth Wood and Daniel Sicken of Dummerston, Jane Newton of Londonderry and John Ward of Gill, Mass. -- were cited for unlawful trespass, said Lt. Robert Kirkpatrick, the day-shift commander for the local police.

At just past 6 a.m. Monday, the Brattleboro Police Department received a call that people, using ladders, were on the roof.

"We take that seriously," said Kirkpatrick. The four protesters who

hung the banner were arrested and cited for unlawful trespass.
Four police officers responded to the scene, he said, adding all four protesters were arrested without incident.

In the past, anti-nuclear protesters who have been arrested and cited for a variety of infractions -- including trespass and disorderly conduct -- have had their charges quietly dismissed prior to any court dates.

Davis said no action would be taken against seven people who chained themselves to the front gate of the Vermont Yankee nuclear power plant Jan. 23. He said he didn't anticipate that any action would be taken against the four arrested Monday either.

"I'm not going to say there won't be any action taken in the future," said Davis, but based on the facts of these two events, he wouldn't be taking any of the 11 to court.

In October, protesters attempted to unfurl a similar banner, but were unable to get it hung before police arrived.

"I'm not concerned about whether they charge us and take us to court," Wood said, adding that some protesters would use their court dates as an opportunity to speak against the relicensing.

"But I want to get the message out to all the people in Vermont and our state legislators," she said. "Maybe those people up north don't know how we are feeling down here. Hopefully this will help tell them."

"What I am aiming for with civil disobedience is to make the issue more visible around the state," said Wood, who added that most local legislators have let it be known that they are not happy with the relicensing of the power plant.

"We are getting the message across," said Deb Katz, of Citizen Awareness Network, which has helped organize and support protests in the past. She said the unfurling of the banner was just one in a series of actions "to continue to make it clear that this reactor has to shut down."

Katz said the chaining of the protesters and the unfurling of the banner are efforts to raise awareness around the state about the relicensing of the power plant.

"The issue hasn't been on people's radar," she said.

"This sends a strong message," said Sicken. "We feel the plant should be shut down. Why not hang a big banner across the place where all the top executives are allowing this to happen."

Because the regulatory processes that are in place "cannot be counted on to shut down Vermont Yankee," Wood wrote in an e-mail announcing the protest. It's important for people like here to keep awareness at a heightened level.

"I simply don't know what else to do," wrote Newton, in the e-mail. "Right now we are hoping to persuade our Vermont legislature to vote against extending the life of Vermont Yankee for 20 more terrifying years, but the powers of giant corporations are beyond belief and I can't trust our politicians to do the right thing."

Katz said legislators have a chance to both shut down a polluting industry and make Vermont a pioneer in clean energy, "something that their grandchildren will be proud of."

"There is the possibility the Legislature will pass a green energy portfolio this session," said Katz. "Legislators need to think creatively and they need to be accountable."

"If there is no strong public outcry many legislators will see continuing to operate VY as the most expedient solution to Vermont's future energy demand," Wood wrote in her e-mail.

Entergy, which owns and operates the power plant, is in the process of asking the Nuclear Regulatory Commission to extend Vermont Yankee's operating license from 2012 to 2032. The company recently received approval to increase its power output by 20 percent.



This was never about a day in court! This was and continues to always be about shutting down Vermont Yankee Nuclear Power Plant! Keep up the good work.
This is a sad commentary about how the news is reported here in Brattleboro Vermont

Lost

Ricky Ricardo, not the Cuban band leader, was my first best friend. If you were to ask me how we became fast friends I couldn't tell you but we were when I was 11 years old. Ricky was from the Philippines and caught a lot of shit from people because he looked different from some people. To me he was Ricky nothing more or nothing less. We were always together so when people would pick on him they would pick on me. We always had each others back. The streets of New York City could be dangerous but when you had a friend like Ricky you didn’t worry. Ricky and his family moved away after his father died and I lost a true friend to the ever expanding world. I ran into him about 9 years later in Southeast Asia. It appears we were still watching each others back without even knowing it.
I seem to attract some interesting people as friends. Misfits, freaks, lost souls and at times crazy folks would somehow latch onto to me and become friends. Sometimes I didn’t mind but sometimes I just wasn’t their friend and no matter what they were steadfastly mine. I could never be mean to someone on purpose so little by little they kind of grew on me and then somehow became friends. I wouldn't stand people making fun of folks who couldn't defend themselves. Mean people really do suck. We all know someone like that. The person who feels better when they can make someone else feel really bad. I fought many a fight in an attempt to end the injustice but in the end I lost many, the only thing I was able to accomplish is to show those people who had befriended me what it was like to have a real friend.
Maybe that was enough, maybe not. I guess only they can answer that question. I was never one of the misfits but if I were I hope I could have found a friend who was true.

Condoms

Beware Caution proceed at your own risk.....

Pub Manix Interdite aux moins de 16 ans
Uploaded by yom_

Turn and face the change

Today is the last day I will post work related things here I will only use this blog to talk about me and the things that I find important or of interest to me.
For the continuing saga of my job visit here http://crisisinmylife.blogspot.com

Aggression

Aggression scares the crap out of most of us, any kind of aggression. Verbal, physical and psychological aggression is what we encounter each and every day on each and every shift. We attempt to teach staff how to handle aggression in terms of maintaining safety for others and ourselves. Yet we, ourselves, sometimes can never find a way to confront aggression in a way that makes us feel comfortable.
Aggression brings up all kinds of feelings for us. Most of which are fear and pain based making intervening at times problematic at the very least.
Now we must face our own fear when dealing with out of control or escalating people before we can help them to regain control. That is what we do day in and day out.

School's out

Last year at this time Work seemed crazed and you know what, It is still crazed. The energy level is high in the kids and very low with staff. This is a very bad combination. We will try and have things to do but as always crisis is what drive the unit. We will keep our eyes and ears open to the earliest signs of impending crisis and cut it off at the pass so to speak.
Stayed tuned for the continuing saga.

For You

Enjoy the song and know it is for you FM.
Happy Valentine's Day

http://pcdon.com/-NatKingCole-TheVeryThoughtOfYou.wav

Something for you Lovers

Enjoy

Be Mine

Happy Valentine's Day!
Happy cold, wet, snowy Valentine's Day. Beat down the winter drab and wear red, lots and lots of red. Greet your valentine with smiles and laughter, make your own sun. No valentine? No big deal. Do something special for yourself. Do something for someone else. Today is all about loving and being loved. Pass it around. Have only positive interactions with everyone you meet today. Yes even with the ones you don't like as a matter of fact especially with the people you don't like.

Old man winter is getting feisty. I suspect we are facing retribution for all those warm December and January days. Revenge is best served cold, and baby it's cold outside!

Just once I would like a phone call which says, "grab your passport we have an evening flight to...". It happens all the time in the movies. I wish just once it would happen to me.

What are we thinking

What a wild week work was! The place felt completely insane. We struggled to maintain safety each day of the week and we did the best we could yet we lost once or twice along the way. We, the staff, were kicked, punched and assaulted verbally each and every day. I don't know how we do the job we do and more importantly I don't know why we keep coming to work?
I am glad my co-workers do come to work. I could not do this without them. We got through another week and we will begin again tomorrow.

Vermont

Check out this page

http://www.angelfire.com/vt/republicvt/

The Hands have it

check it out

Sometimes out of the haze

Sometimes snatches of forgotten events bubble to the surface, and I grab hold.

I remember my one schoolyard fight and being hauled in front of the principal, a mean Nun, Sister David. My explanation was filled with righteous indignation as I was defending a friend, and the guy bothering her deserved to be hit way harder than I could have possibly hit him. I was ten. The principal agreed, to my amazement, though she thought my technique needed a bit of refining.

If I close my eyes, my mind can bring me back to places far away in distance and time. I remember what each of our apartments looked like and can walk the rooms. For eight years the way to school never changed and each house, each landmark became frozen in my memories. Some houses no longer exist, the store fronts and the old ladies looking out the windows have been gone a long time, but I remember my walk exactly as it was. I visited my old neighborhood awhile back and although things change some things never do. The walk to my grade school is exactly as it was some forty five years ago.

The first movie which scared me was The House on Haunted Hill with Vincent Price. When the skeleton comes out of the screen, I darn near pooped my pants.

I love the fun of remembering.

Super Sunday

Let me say this, "any sunday that I am not working is a super Sunday". All I need is some friends and time off to make the world a happy place. I hope your world is happy and safe this Super Sunday. Watch out for those football fans as they drive home after a few too many drinks.
As the saying goes, "Be careful out there".
Remember somebody loves you and love them right back as much as you can.

"You don't have to suffer to be a poet; adolescence is enough suffering for anyone."

When I was a kid, I liked being in school on dark, snowy days like today. The lights always seemed to make the room feel cozy, and the sound of the muffled wheels was so soothing that everyone seemed to speak in hushed tones, not wanting to spoil the mood. We'd stay inside during recess, and the nun, Sister Raymond, would allow us to walk around the room after lunch to talk with our friends. Girls talked to girls and boys talked to boys. That was the way it was back then.

It wasn't until around the seventh grade that boys could muster enough courage to speak publicly with a girl, and even then it was mostly teasing, the first step into the mysteries of a female-male relationship. In the eighth grade the first of our couples emerged, and the rest of us boiled over with curiosity and a bit of jealousy. We asked for and got all the details, it being just too big to be kept secret. Besides, being the first girl to be in a couple was too huge not to flaunt. She told us, with the voice of experience, about handholding and kissing. We were floored.

But within a short time awe was replaced by ordinary as couple after couple began to emerge. The floodgates of adolescence had been opened by one boy brave enough to ask one girl to the movies who was brave enough to say yes.

I would never want to relive those years, I am still traumatized by both the catholic school era of my life as well as the early exploration of relationships with girls.

Punxsutawney Phil

On each Feb. 2, thousands of people descend on Punxsutawney, a town of 6,100 people about 65 miles northeast of Pittsburgh, to celebrate what had essentially been a German superstition. The Germans believed that if a hibernating animal, in this case one named Phil, cast a shadow Feb. 2 — the Christian holiday of Candlemas — winter would last another six weeks. If no shadow was seen, legend said spring would come early.

Phil did not see his shadow this morning which means folks can expect an early spring instead of six more weeks of winter.

The snow started falling a few hours ago and the forcast is for 5 or 6 inches to fall. Punxsutawney can keep the Damn Rat!

Sunday

Sundays are always a sleepy day for me, it is day four of a five day stretch at work and if I am lucky all will be smooth and I will not be sought out by 9 adolescents to help them feel better about one thing or another. Theses things don't mean much to me but to them it is a matter of life and death. As I am reminded from time to time it's not about me.

New Day, Same Insanity

Well here we are mid week and things are beginning to look and feel better. We all pulled together to ensure every one's safety. Those we serve have begun to deal with their "stuff" in a better manner mostly talking and not acting out. Staff have been able to get more help in the last few days. Management has put an extra staff on to help deal with the needs of those we serve as well as the needs of those of us who work here.
We are in the middle of so many changes and we are all trying to keep our heads above the water. I feel less overwhelmed yet I am still overwhelmed.

A visit to Hell

This past weekend was pure hell at work. Staff did all that was humanly possible to maintain the safety of those we serve and ourselves. After repeated calls to the police and medical staff, they were able to get the unit under control and since then each day things have gotten a bit better yet the stress has been overwhelming to all the staff involved. We have called out once or twice and put further stress on ourselves and co-workers.
What do you do when you feel like there is nothing left to do?
How can you help when you are overwhelmed and over stressed?
Where can you find relief from the trauma of your job?
We attempt to pull together and keep dignity and respect first in all of our dealing with those we serve and as importantly those we work with.
We were able to get past all the incidents without anyone getting hurt physically alas emotional pain is harder to recover from sometimes.
We are all helpers who will not allow ourselves to be helped!

Days gone by

My son and I went to Cooperstown to visit the Baseball hall of fame this weekend. We had a great time there and the drive afforded us time to talk about stuff. We had visited the Hall of fame back in 1995 and he remembered a movie that they showed and sure enough it was still there. The show was different but we had a good time all the same and we decided we would go again in a few years. As we spoke of our first visit I was surprised to hear how fondly he recalled the trip and how much he remembered. He was 5 years old at the time and his sister was also with us. We spent a long weekend at Howe Caverns and the Baseball hall of fame and we had a great time. I found pictures of the trip and I was amazed to see how young both of them were. He is going to be 17 in April and she will be 22 in May.
It was truly amazing to revisit through my sons eyes and memories. This is good, this is very good.

Weekends

Weekends are so short yet at the same time they can last an eternity. When you work Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday with folks that need constant supervision and care you begin to feel empty. I have one day off before I have to go back and face the onslaught of neediness and anger. PTSD is something real and it creeps up on you without you realizing. How does one change staffing patterns to prevent people from becoming traumatized.
A day a week off does not make for a healthy work environment! Stay tuned for updates on this matter. I would be interested to hear any thoughts on this also.

Support

Work was a bit on the crazed side this evening yet we were able to get through the evening without anyone getting hurt or hurting themselves. My co-workers were excellent as usual and made interventions that much easier. We once again were able to support each other and go home feeling positive about what we do.
I believe everyone hates when they feel threatened and those we serve threaten when they feel unsafe. Knowing this helps but one still feels anxious when threatened.
Trauma and stress can be overwhelming sometimes. It is nice to know we can count on one another in times of crisis.

Winter blues

Well looks like winter is still missing in action yet the temperature is beginning to drop. The weather people say we may get some snow next week but you never know.
One can still be blue though and alas I am there! I have always been a bit down during the winter months, a little "SAD" perhaps. Life has changed so much for me in the last few months. I feel like I have be on a long journey and just now returned to myself. I have been very emotional lately and find I am close to tears often. I avoid the radio as the songs can trigger a tear fest. I do my best to stay focused and busy but the best laid plans go right down the drain sometimes.
My son and I have a trip to the Baseball Hall of Fame planned for the end of the month and I look forward to the trip with him. We have not been there in 8 or 9 years so it will be fun.
My daughter is coming back from Ireland this weekend and heading back to school so I will be able to chat more often than the last three weeks. A college senior now I often wonder where the years have gone since I first held her in my arms as a new born?

Time marches forward

Time may change but those I work for surely do not. Today promises to be an emotionally driven evening at work. My co-workers and myself will have our hands full maintaining the safety of all. That is what we do, we co-manage.
11 teen girls, each one looking to have their needs met. Without basic needs being met it is impossible to from healthy relationships. Without healty relationships we can not help co-manage. The cycle continues. The year is new and we are filled with hope.

The winter that never was

OK so what ever happened to winter? Have we finally screwed things up so badly that we went and destroyed an entire season? I feel badly for the polar bears but believe me I feel even worse for us. I don't love winter but I absolutly hate summer and we seem to be heading for hotter summers and warmer winters.
Way to go.......
Stock up on some spf 150.

New Year, Old crap

Whoever said, "what a difference a day makes", was so wrong. Some things never change and although I am hopeful that things will change as of today nothing has changed. Life goes on but time appears to be standing still none the less.
Why do I feel like I am caught in an episode of the " Twilight Zone"?
Damn it's not even cold and it's January in Vermont!
Stay tuned for updates.

Happy New Year

May the new year year bring you happiness and good health.

Good night All

Good Night Bisoux! Sleep well, dream well and stay safe. Tomorrow brings a whole new day to enjoy and explore!

Christmas

I hope your Christmas was a happy one filled with love and peace. People who you love and care for at your side make the day even better.
My life is new once again this holiday season and it is like experiencing it for the first time. I feel like a little kid with wide eyes filled with wonder and joy.
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.

Happy Christmas Merry New Year

I'm sitting on a couch; I've just made a new friend. Bisoux is his name. He's a six month-old cat and seems to have befriended me. Isn't that what the holiday season is about--finding new friends, reconnecting with old friends, and remembering all we have to be happy about?

Happy Christmas, Healthy New Year to all.

Free Hugs

Free Hugs in Korea. A good idea is universal! A hug by any other name is still a Hug.

Is it ending or beginning?

Ever get the felling your not sure if things are at an ending or just beginning? My life is about to change and I am a ball of emotions. One moment I am fine and the next I am sobbing uncontrollably. I want to move on yet I am frightened to move on. I can't stay so I face my fear and move on with my life. I leave more than twenty years behind and I will try to keep as much of those years as I can. I have much to be happy for but to feel that happiness may take some time.
Divorce is a rough road to trod, there are so many things that get in the way yet move forward is what I must do. I am truly blessed with friends who are there to help and not judge. I do enough of that all by myself.
A wise person once said,"shit happens". Well it sure does, and most of the time we make it happen.
I feel a wave of melancholia sweeping over me so I am going to stop for today.
May your holidays be peaceful and happiness be yours.

Let it begin

The devil made me do it.

http://www.mesasoftware.com/merrychristmas.htm

As the year ends

It's hard to believe it is almost the end of 2006. Where has the time gone? This would be a good time to look over the past year and see just how I did.
Well maybe not. The last year has been a whirlwind of activity both good and not so good and if I look closely at the past year I think some people would say it was a very bad year. I on the other hand would offer a different outlook to my year and say that although it was very hard it was a good year for me. Part of my life came crashing down around me and another part was released to see the light of day after many long years of being hidden away from the world. I have grown and become much more gentle in my thoughts and actions.I have been able to push past sterotypes and lables and accept people for who they are and not see anything but that. It was and continues to be a rocky road to travel but I wouldn't miss it for the world.
I will post more on this topic.

Snow

By the way there was a sprinkling of snow this morning. It did not stick to anything but it is the first white stuff so far.
Can winter be far behind?

Holidays

This is a crazy time if the year for me. In the rush to complete gift purchasing people oft tiems become crazed! They push and shove to get that special item that they just have to have. They scream at salespeople, like that will make inventory change, and at times attempt to take things right out of other peoples hands.
All in the name of Christmas, Oh my!
Where did the spirit of Christmas go?
When did we lose it?
What are we teaching our children about the meaning of Christmas?
Now there is a good question for us all, What does Christmas mean to each of us?

I think we need to be more like Scrooge and remember to keep Christmas in our hearts every day of the year.

As Tiny Tim said," bless us all , every one"

Here comes the sun

The sun has graced us today with it's presence. So I thought some music to celebrate all the good things today has brought.
Feels like snow in the air! I am ready for whatever Mother has in store today.

Purple Haze

Video quality is poor but Audio is pure magic.

All along the watchtower

Hendrix - Wild Thing

Wild thing....

Jimi Hendrix

Give a listen to, in my opinion, the greatest performers of all time.

Rainy day

Fridays are something to look forward to usually but when you work the weekend Friday just becomes another day to get through. It has been damp and now it is raining, what a gloomy day it is.
The unit has been through hell in the last few weeks and We all could use a break in the action. I am feeling overwhelmed and each incident only makes things worse for me. I am glad to work with good people who are all looking for the same thing. Safety and diginity for everyone, Staff and those we serve.

Thanksgiviing Redux

If only I had found this last week.
Talk about turkeys!

Thelonious Monk In Berlin 1973

Listens so easy.

Thelonious Monk - Blue Monk - Oslo, April 1966

Here is some more Jazz from YouTube.
Enjoy

Awesome video performance...must see!

Cirque de Soleil.....
This is amazing!It is a bit long but worth every second.

jerome murat
Uploaded by segalier

Feeling kinda blue

Tuesday and the rain is falling,
not hard, but just enough.
No sunshine, no warmth, no kidding...

Tuesday and the sky is falling,
hit me smack on the head.
No kidding, no sunshine, no warmth...

Tuesday and my spirit is falling,
I watched it slip away.
No warmth, no kidding, no sunshine


How does the song go?

"There ain't no sunshine when your gone"

That's it for today........

Jazz

Enjoy

Time ( like rust ) never sleeps

I would love for time to just stop, not forever just when I am enjoying myself. I rarely enjoy things these days. So when I can I do with all my heart and soul. Life can be a harsh task master yet life also holds some amazing surprises. We should just enjoy the great things and try not to let the crap burden us for too long a time.
Time may be on my side but time is not fair.
I seem to have lost my point here so I am just going to take a time out.

Tick... Tick... Tick

The count really starts. Is that ticking I hear?

I hope you all have peaceful holidays. It's always a challenge. It's not about the stuff, it's about each other.

Black Friday

What has become of the spirit of holidays? It seems lately each holiday is just a reason to start shopping for the next. Have we forgotten what the holiday is all about? I sometimes forget. Sometimes it just feels like a bother, everyone wants something else and find inf a consensus of what to do is impossible. What ever happened to celebrating with family?
I love my extended family but would it be too much to ask to spend time with the immediate family. Spouses, kids, pets, we all have phones why don't we use them.
Black Friday indeed, I'm depressed, I wonder how many others are also.

Thanksgiving

After the feast is over and we are all complaining about how much we just ate, remember all you have to be thankful for.
For me it is family, friends and the fact that I am still here, healthy and not too feeble minded.



Happy Thanksgiving

The Humanity of it all

Once again weekends are a time of high crisis with those we serve, police were called, staff were hurt and yet staff did what they could to maintain safety. I think that sometimes management does not use their head when it comes to the combination of staff working. Per Diem's and float staff with a regular unit staff is a recipe to disaster, and that is exactly what happened. Luckily the regular staff was able to get things back close to normal by 1:30 am. Moral is close to being non-existent and staff is near to exhausted. We walk around feeling traumatized
and not at all supported. I am not sure how long this can go on until the place falls apart completely.
We, unit staff, all are struggling with building good working relationships with each other and when we don't work on a regular basis it makes building relations close to impossible.
Diginity and respect is taking a beating between staff, some are frightened and others are close to burn out.

Planning

Nothing goes well unless there is some sort of plan. We have a plan for everything we do every minute of every day. We may not be conscience of the plan but believe me there is one. When We attempt to intervene with others we had better have a plan and that plan needs to be clearly communicated.
When I encounter a Behavioral Crisis I go to the team and figure out a plan to help the individual maintain Safety, by getting the persons input on what will help we have a much better chance of success. There is usually time to do this, but when there isn't then Safety is paramount. EVERYONE's safety! Trauma happens to each and everyone of us. We often look a those we serve but rarely look at ourselves or our co-workers.
Well I am looking. I have become vocal to co-workers and management on how I have been traumatized by the Behavioral Crisis on the Unit. I want to be part of the solution that will make our job safer for both those served and those I work with. I think the first step is to admit how I feel.

Trauma

I find it takes longer to recover emotionally from being traumatized. I feel sad and depressed a little longer, it takes longer to smile. Time is the thing that heals. When I am traumatized I feel as though I do not have time so I push this all inside when I know I need to talk about these things. What will I do for my emotional health? Why is it so hard to do things for oneself?
Here is where I seek out my friends. Smiling faces is a very good medicine, and I am going to get my prescription filled.
This sounds so hokey.

Dignity and Respect

Last night at work was very hard indeed. Some of the residents were struggling with safety issues and just could not maintain their safety. The entire shift was focused on these residents while the staff kept the program running at the same time. Nine residents did their best to maintain a positive attitude in the face of yelling and screaming and general trauma inflicting goings on. Staff once again stepped up and did their best to help those acting out with dignity and respect when those we serve were anything but dignified or respectful. Staff were hurt, staff and peers were re traumatized, it took a lot of work to deescalate the ones in behavioral crisis and also to ground those that were traumatized by the behaviors of their peers. The staff I work with continue to show creativity in how to help those not in crisis and compassion with those who are in crisis. Without compassionate co-workers this job would be a thing of the past. Building healthy working relationships with my co-workers is the only way to be able to do this job.
We, the staff, move forward after each crisis having learned a little more about those we serve yet more importantly we learn a little bit more about each other.
I am always reminded that there is a process and we have to trust that process.

we should never forget

Why I wear a poppy
Chris Corrigan
Parking lot

“We all fight on two fronts, the one facing the enemy and the one facing what we do to the enemy.”
– Joseph Boyden, Three Day Road, p. 301

I wish I could find a more coherent way to talk about this, about the complex set of emotions I feel in wearing a poppy and believing in peace. .....

Rememberance Day is coming and I choose to remember the men and women that I am paying to fight in Afghanistan. I am not a friend of war, and especially not a friend of this one, and I desperately wish for these men and women that if they have to confront these two fronts that it be rather in the service of a better story than the one we are being told about terror. ....

I wear a poppy today to remember those that are caught in these conflicts - the innocents and those we pay - and to remember that when they come home we owe them wholeness and a responsibility to help them heal themselves from the wars that they fight, on both fronts.

Life is a circle, wait and everything will repeat itself

The Forgotten Wounded of Iraq
Ron Kovic
truthdig

I cannot help but wonder what it will be like for the young men and women wounded in Iraq. What will their homecoming be like? I feel close to them. Though many years separate us we are brothers and sisters. We have all been to the same place. For us in 1968 it was the Bronx veterans hospital paraplegic ward, overcrowded, understaffed, rats on the ward, a flood of memories and images, I can never forget; urine bags overflowing onto the floor. It seemed more like a slum than a hospital. Paralyzed men lying in their own excrement, pushing call buttons for aides who never came, wondering how our government could spend so much money (billions of dollars) on the most lethal, technologically advanced weaponry to kill and maim human beings but not be able to take care of its own wounded when they came home.

Will it be the same for them? Will they have to return to these same unspeakable conditions? Has any of it changed? I have heard that our government has already attempted to cut back millions in much needed funds for veterans hospitals-and this when thousands of wounded soldiers are returning from Iraq. Will they too be left abandoned and forgotten by a president and administration whose patriotic rhetoric does not match the needs of our wounded troops now returning? Do the American people, the president, the politicians, senators and congressmen who sent us to this war have any idea what it really means to lose an arm or a leg, to be paralyzed, to begin to cope with the psychological wounds of that war? Do they have any concept of the long-term effects of these injuries, how the struggles of the wounded are only now just beginning? How many will die young and never live out their lives because of all the stress and myriad of problems that come with sending young men and women into combat?

Veterans Day

Saturday is Veterans Day! If you know a Vet shake his or her hand and say "thanks", we are the home of the free because of these brave people. Keep our servicemen and servicewomen in your thoughts and your prayers.
Real life hero's each and everyone!

Sick

I have been sick and getting about has been hard but I was able to keep myself entertained. I sat at the computer and found this. I hope you enjoy this as much as I did.

Smile a little smile

Sometimes you just come find something that breaks you up. This is one of those things. I would expect that hardcore star wars types hate this but it is wicked funny! Enjoy!!

Sick

I taught today in spite of feeling ill. I am teaching so much lately that I am beginning to feel like a teacher, but wait I am a teacher of sorts. Maybe I should say I am a role model of what I teach. Yes that is much more accurate. I feel strange sometimes when I try and help my co-workers realize that in order to deliver quality care to those we serve we must have good, healthy working relationships with not only those we serve but also with each other. The more I think about it the more I realize that healthy working relationships with my co-workers is the key to quality care. If we can not extend dignity and respect to each other how in the world are we going to show dignity and respect to those we serve?
Why is it we treat each other so badly? We watch each other struggle and yet we rarely reach out to help.
Those we serve witness this and no matter what we say, they understand non-verbals and body language very well. When our mouths say something but our actions say something else, those we serve listen to our deeds not our words.

Feeling kind of lonely

I have been feeling kind of lonely the last few days and sad. I found this clip and it brought a smile to my face and reminded me that I have friends who make me feel loved.
Sometimes it's not the words but the feelings that say it all.

What the world needs now........

Can you really say no to a hug!

Time...Is it really on my side?

If there is one thing that I have, it is time. I like that I have time but on the other hand time just keeps me waiting. What I truly want will take time and what I want to end will take time. See the problem here. Either way the only thing that seems to be constant is time.
People tell me that in time I will look back at this time and laugh. I don't think so but one never knows.

For now I live one day at a time.

As the song goes " time keeps on slipping , slipping, into the future"

2016

So will Ya?

Weekend

I went to visit some very old and very good friends over the weekend it was a five hour trip but it was worth every minute. I haven't seen Arnold and Juanita for almost 16 years yet it was like I just left them yesterday. The warmth and genuine love and caring I was given by these two extraordinary people will always be remembered and cherished. I promised not to let 16 years go by before I visit again and I will keep that promise. By the way I left my shoes so now I have to visit again.
A more peaceful couple you will never find. I basked in their happiness and was regenerated both physically and emotionally.

Thank you.

Music is the thing today

I have been surfing the web lately listening to music of all sorts and found this . I hope you enjoy

Happiness is a warm, yes it is .........Friendship

OK I just got back from a weekend with two of the most amazing people on the face of the earth! I am not joking. Juanita and Arnold helped me believe that all things happen for a reason and things will work out, given time and friends to help keep you focused. I had forgotten what it felt like to be accepted for who you are. My lord what a horrible thing to happen to someone. As I left them in their driveway I had already begun to miss them. Luckily I had a five hour drive ahead of me in which time I could bask in the warmth of their love.
I am blessed...
Thank You Both!

Magic

have you seen this film? If not it is a good escape from the grind

What I would give for time

Time seems to be going by way too fast. It seems like only yesterday I was full of hopes and dreams and thought anything was possible. I am sorry to say that I have fewer hopes and my dreams have taken a hit also. I still do think that anything is possible no matter what people say to the contrary. I find if I am willing to just stay the course no matter what, things do turn out right. It's all a matter of time. What I would give for some time.
Thanks for all the support folks, you know who you are but more importantly I know who you are mostly. For the ones I do not personally, well to you all I can say is I wish I did know you, Thanks.

I wonder if this will work

Stress relief

I have decided to visit some friends in New York for the weekend. I need a few friendly faces and a compliment every once in awhile so I am heading to friendlier climes.

The never ending story

Life for me at work seems to have spiraled out of control lately. I was hopeful that all the crap was just about over and done with but I was wrong. Now it seems my supervisor has got on the gossip bus. If you thought I was mad before well let me tell you I am near homicidal. HR is my next stop on this insane journey. Drop by again to hear how HR helped. I am being so very optimistic and hopeful. We shall see.

Lost and Found

Out of the Blue when I needed it the most I got a call from a lost friend. Now they didn't lose me I lost them. I am foolish to let anyone get lost when real friends are something special.
Hello there and thank you for finding me.

Same shit ,new day

I am mad as hell and I am not going to take it any longer!
I am mad as hell and I am not going to take it any longer!
I am mad as hell and I am not going to take it any longer!

I have rights that are being trampled on and I want it to end! I am about to take the fight to the opposing team. I will not have my private life dragged throughout my workplace by gossip hungry co-workers.
You know who you are, you need to stop. You seem to get some pleasure out of this. Enjoy yourself, you time is almost over. Your mouth will be your downfall. Buy a dictionary and look up the words professionalism, boundaries and privacy. Then go back under the rock you crawled out from.

My friends I want to thank you again for all your support.
All you little people leave me alone, you make me ill.

Work

Work is becoming more stressful if that is possible. People feel unsafe and leaderless. Nobody wants to make a decision because people feel that they will not get support from management.
I work with some very excellent people yet they have been second guessed constantly. When they have attempted to make changes they were stymied time and again.
Micro breweries make really good beer, micro management makes people crazy. It is the real sign of a poor manager.

Freedom

Just what the hell is this freedom People are always talking about. I don't know about you but I don't seem to have much freedom going on at the moment. People just can't seem to get out of my shit! I feel like a damn fish in a bowl and everyone just keeps peeking in and tapping on the glass.
PEOPLE I am not that interesting! Go watch cartoons or whatever it is you do to keep your little minds busy. Just leave me the hell alone. You are all pitiful, little people.
Whatever happened to personal privacy?

Feelings

Cognitive Distortions

Cognitive Distortions
Most of us take the way we feel for granted.
Just as we often take our feelings for granted, so we often take for granted the thoughts that cause them.
We frequently speak as if events or other people "make" us happy or sad or scared or excited. But this isn't quite true.
Even when it seems as if we were reacting directly to events in our environment, if we look more closely we can see that it's not that simple. We don't react directly to an event; we react to our interpretation of the event.

Nothing is simple. Life is complicated.

Update

Life moves forward or ends. It never goes backwards. If you don't do something now the chance slips away forever! You may be lucky and do it at a later time but that one instant in time is lost forever. Imagine what might have happened if we took the risk the instant it afforded itself?
Live for today my friends you just never know what tomorrow holds for you.

Where am I now

Well I must say it has been a very long time since I last posted here.
I wonder if anyone still drops by for a look?
As the name suggests I am dealing with not just one but many crisis' at the moment. Ever get the feeling that even when your looking up all you can see is down?

We each handle stress differently but some things are constant...

1. Without friends stress will kill you.
2. You only really know your friends during a time of crisis.
3. They usually are not the people who you think they are.
4. The People who Love you can be mad with you but they still love!
5. The only people who matter are the ones who love you no matter what.

I believe it's called unconditional love.

For all of you out there who have offered their unconditional love, thank you.

For all of you who have not, well I know your true colors and will deal with you accordingly.


I have not room in my life for hate right now so good bye.

Wow

OK here's the deal, We have been asked to suggest something that we would like. Those we work for want to express their appreciation for all the hard work we have done and do each and every day.
How often have we complained that we do not get the recognition we deserve and low and behold here it is, after all this time. So why am I having such a hard time asking for something that would have meaning to me?

Under pressure

Things just seem to get worse as the days go by. Self harm continues and we as staff are beginning to be immune to it. Well at least on the surface we are. If we begin to explore our feeling then trouble begins for us emotionally. It is a very hard job but there are times, like now, when the job can feel overwhelming. The worst part is we (staff) still have trouble communicating with each other. Things seem bleak. The feeling is discouragement mostly these days. Maybe it has something to do with the long period of rain and grey clouds. Sunshine couldn't hurt.

Emotions

Ten days of constant assault on our senses and I am about to scream out loud "Enough!".
You lose sight of just how much of an emotional toll this type of work takes. Who takes care of the care giver? When the care giver is blind to the need. Silly how we forget to help ourselves.

Overloaded

The last past few weeks have been a blur here at work. New people make for interesting times. Each new person brings with them their own stuff that then gets mixed with everybody else's stuff and this can cause such conflict.
New coping skills are cast aside and old ones embraced once again making life caustic between those we serve. We are going through a period of self harming behavior by those we serve and it is very difficult to deal with when the behavior is constant. I feel so inadequate and at a loss as to what to do. This self harming behavior affects the community of young ladies I serve on many levels. It also affects myself and those I work with and we each deal with the effects in different ways. It is at times overwhelming all the emotions that are surfacing within me as a result of dealing with the self harming behaviors of others.
I have become short, anxious and distant toward those I serve and those I work with. A result of the emotional upheaval resulting from dealing with self harming behaviors daily and over a long period of time.
If we are not constantly assessing ourselves both emotionally and physically we become overloaded and we no longer can help ourselves regulate our emotions never mind help those we serve regulate theirs.
Where do those who help go for help? Is it OK to feel the way we feel? Asking for help is a good thing, right. So why does it feel so bad?

What is important

Ever get the feeling that things are just spinning out of control. Maybe losing sight of what is important and what is just not worth getting worried about. Maybe just burned out by the constant urgency of those you work with. Maybe the inability to communicate what is really important to you is driving you right to the edge.
Well I feel as if I have been on the edge for the longest time and just need to ease back or I will go over tthe edge. Thats right, just burn baby burn.
I need... What do I need? Support, help, understanding and some basic communication. Is this too much to ask, I wonder?

Stress

It is amazing how some new faces can turn the entire place upside down. New people seem to send the long time residents into a tail dive. Everything from self image problems to feeling that they are not smart enough. Clicks start and then it's all out war between the girls and that means chaos on the floor.
Now add to that staff feeling stressed by any number of things and we have the recipe for a melt down of huge proportions. When we as staff struggle with communicating with each other how will be able to communicate with those we serve? The place feels like it is going to explode and I as well as my fellow co-workers feel unable to stop the negative momentum. It is like watching a speeding train attempting to make a turn and knowing full well that it will derail because there is too much momentum. I hate feeling helpless and that is what I feel most of the time of late.
We had a staff meeting today and we at least are beginning to talk to each other. That is the best thing that has happened in the last two weeks. It does give me hope that we will be able to turn the corner and begin to work once again as a team. A team that was and can be again a very powerful influence in the girls lives.
I sometimes wonder if anyone is reading what I write and sometimes I think the hell with this but I keep on posting hoping someone will read and maybe even respond. I guess I am ever the optimist, or maybe just a glutton for punishment. You decide.

On a sad note

April, 30 is the 15th anniversary of my fathers death. We oft times were are odds over many things yet for a few years before he died we started to find common ground. His death hit me hard and I still struggle with it to this day. I miss him still every day.
Funny how things go, when he died I was so angry at him for dying. How could he do that to me? Just as we began to mend and heal our lives together he died! It was Easter Sunday when he died and the holiday has never been the same for me since.
Farewell chocolate bunnies, colored eggs and jelly beans. Goodbye Dad. Love ya still.

SNAFU

OK so we seem to be at odds with each other and we are unable to pull together for the common good. This affects both staff and those we serve so we need to do something and we need to do it soon. My co-workers and I appear to be a bit on the toasty side and we can't go on like this much longer or we will all burn-out.
The dilemma for me is what can I do to help? I may be part of the problem and if I am can I still help? We have almost no communication with each other so getting through this rough time seems impossible. I know it's not but I am afraid some of my co-workers don't share my optimism. Lately going to work has been very hard. I am anxious all the time and second guess myself constantly. This is not the way I usually work.
I guess what I can do to help is to get myself back to baseline, do what I am good at. I need to lead by example and hope some of my co-workers will follow. I have been supportive to most everyone I work with so maybe I need to verbalize my feelings with them? I feel alone most of there time and I hate the feeling.
If you are reading this please help. Seek me out and talk to me let me know what I can do or what I should not do. Maybe e-mail would work better for some of you, I understand it can be hard to say things face to face but please try anyway you can.
I haven't been caught in a snafu in many years. I didn't like it then and I don't like it now.

Work

It has been a very tough few days at work. My co-workers were really put to the test over the weekend and I am proud to say they were outstanding! They did everything in there power to ensure a safe place for each and every adolescent girl that was there. I am amazed at how hard they work and also how good the are at their job.
I want them all to know how great a job they did. I only wish others could also let them know. For now it is only my praise they hear but I am working on that.

As time goes by

April 22nd was my sons birthday, he turned 16. He also was in a basketball tournament at UVM in Burlington, Vermont. His team finished first place for the fourth year in a row. He had a very large cheering section as our entire family showed up to both root his team and celebrate his birthday. He was in heaven and it was a moment in time he will not soon forget. My god to be young and also the center of the attention of everyone you know must have been so exciting. Happy Birthday Ian
May 1st is my daughters birthday and she will turn 21. My god am I really that old? 21 only happens once in a lifetime and we plan on making it a an affair she also will not soon forget. There are people coming from all over the country and maybe even the world. Relatives and friends will converge on Burlington Vt. to help celebrate her. Happy Birthday Christina

Holidays

Working at a place like this you can forget that holidays are usually not a good time for those we serve. For them holidays are never predictable and most of the time dangerous. As a result staff work hard at making holidays safe and to the best of our ability fun.
Easter is tomorrow and the staff will plan an Easter egg hunt with the girls. It will be a struggle for some but it will work itself out. Maybe we will do Brunch with the girls and just go outside and enjoy the day. We forget sometimes that it really is the simple things that make memories. So we will keep it simple.

Happy Easter...

What about Bob

Come mothers and fathers through out the land
now don't criticize what do can't understand
your sons and your daughters are beyond your command
The old world is rapidly fading
get out of the new one if you can't lend a hand
the times they are a'changing

When Bob Dylan wrote these words they had meaning and they still have meaning today!
My workplace is changing and some of us are struggling with the change. Some of are moving slow yet moving forward. Some of us are not moving at all. Some of us are stuck in the old and either can't see the need to change or disagree with the change. We are at a critical point, We will help but we can not do it without you.
Believe me the times really are changing

Behaviors

Why can't we look behind the behaviors and discover what drives them? Is it too much work?
Why do we always want to respond to a behavior with one of our own? This rarely works!
Why do we need to feel we are in control? Truth is we are not in control!
Why do we struggle with letting go of old interventions that do not work? (insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results)

When will we see we are caught in senseless power struggles where no one wins!
When will we end the insanity? Our insanity!

Stress

In the last five days I have placed hands on some of those I serve too many times and it almost happened again today! Being an adolescent away from home ( no matter what the home was like) must be so scary and lonely. I have to keep in mind that although those I serve are not "normal" they do have feelings just like everyone else. As a matter of fact they are in touch with those feelings more than most of those who work here! Also they have so much more crap in their lives that just make feeling a scary thing to do so they can often act out. I struggle with not responding to a behavior with a behavior of my own. This gets no one anywhere except into a senseless power struggle. I need to remember that I do have a working relationship with every one of the girls I work with. They let me help them in times of high emotional turmoil and depend on the staff to keep them safe when they can not.
I have to keep asking myself, "what caused the behavior" and not get caught up in the behavior they present. This can be hard when the behavior is dangerous to themselves or someone else. The behaviors can be violence to themselves, Cutting, scratching, severe head banging, just to name a few. We all have reactions to these behaviors yet we need to discover the antecedents If we hope to help them break the cycle of self injury or violence.
As hard as it is for those we serve it is just as hard to see someone hurt themselves. I sometimes find myself crying as I process with co-workers the events of the day. Thank goodness I have co-workers that understand what stress can do to someone and are willing to let us feel without judging. It would be impossible to work where I do without their support! This job is not a contest about who can do this or that, rather how we can all help keep those we serve safe.
I left today emotionally exhausted and at the same time pleased that we were able to help someone stay safe.

Splits

So it seems we have a split between shifts. It seems that we don't want to admit it or we just don't care enough to work it through. I love my job and I really enjoy working with almost all of my co-workers. Having said that I must admit that there are one or two that I have issues with but do not want to spend the time to attempt to reconcile with them! I need to look into my self and figure out why I have these feelings and then is it worth it to fix? One is easy I know why and I don't want to fix it! I can work with this person, I just will never like them personally. As long as they have a common goal with me to help make the place safe for those we serve I can be civil.
I guess I am just a coward, why else would I not confront these people with how I feel and what I think?
I feel that this rift is getting bigger and it beginning to spill into our work. I will soon be faced with a speak or just muddle along being angry. I don't want to do that, I can't do that. I might just as well look for somewhere else to work. This should not be this hard!

Trauma

Today was a very hard day once again for my co-workers and I. My whole day was spent in meetings or working to help a young lady from inflicting self-harm . I had a lot of help in dealing with her and we all did an amazing job. The young woman in question also did amazing work to feel feelings that most people would do our best to avoid. She did her best to stay in the here and now feelings like hurt, abandonment, loneliness. Yet there were times when she moved toward anger and began to lash out at staff and herself. She began to bang her head quite hard against the wall and would not stop. Verbal interventions were not working so in an effort to prevent her from causing severe damage to her head we held her in a supportive way to prevent the head banging. This did work yet it was a tough thing to do as the young lady was very strong and also very agitated. As we held her we continued to use supportive verbalize with her reassuring her she was safe and also that she was doing a good job de-escalating.
This was the second time I intervened with this young lady and I was expecting a battle yet she was working hard to not hurt staff or herself, something she could have easily done if that was her plan. That was not her plan, her plan was to hurt herself and she was able to not do that today. She cried instead! A cry that came from a pain unknown to me but I understand the healing power of tears. I also understand the incredible inner strength this young woman possess that enables her to live day to day with such intense hurt and pain.

I suffer emotionally when I have to place hands on someone in my care. I work hard to build a therapeutic relationship with each of the people under my care. When it was over I sat and processed the incident with the young woman and make sure I knew she are safe and understand why and how the whole thing happened. I also apologize for placing hands on them. This does not make it better but it does let them know I respect them and still care about their welfare and safety.

Soap Box

I sometimes wonder what the noise is all about. My head gets so full of stuff that at times I find it extremely hard to focus on what is really important. So many things seems important when the truth is not many things are. I sometimes just want to scream! What ever happened to common sense? What ever happened to honesty? Why do I find it so hard to tell people what I really think? Do I really care what people think about me... Of course I do but why? Will I be somebody else if people think badly of me? Am I just a coward, hiding behind a mask of indifference?

I just want to give up at times and become like those around me. "Blend in and be safe", that is what that voice in my head keeps telling me. Why can't I just do it? I feel I pay a great deal by not conforming. I really don't like to be on the outside but I must admit I have become comfortable being there. I sit here confused and disheartened...

OK enough of this soap box. There is so much more inside of me but I can't get it out just yet this a start...
any feedback is welcome.

Emotional trauma

Today was a tough day. One of the people we serve had a most difficult time and escalated to become a danger to others. After what seemed like a very long time of attempting to de-escalate the person with every tool we possessed the person became physically assaultive to staff. This young lady spit and staff and attempted to punch them also. At that point staff had no alternative but to put hands on her to keep people safe.
It is never an easy thing to physically hold someone who is out of control on a number of levels. First people can get hurt. Second you run the risk of re-traumatizing them and in some case staff also can be traumatized. At times like this we (staff ) interact with the utmost dignity and respect as this can be helpful in times of high anxiety. Some people do not realize that if one person is in crisis you can be sure there are others in crisis also. Staff can become anxious and we always need to know where we are in the crisis cycle. We never want to be the cause of escalating someone!
I personally find physical intervene a painful thing to do and as a result do all I can to prevent people from having to be physically held. Emotionally it takes time for me to process my feelings. As I sometimes do become traumatized. I am lucky to have staff who understand this and are very supportive and help me process afterwards. I am grateful to be part of a great team. Thanks for all the support!

Focus

I am sorry for not posting in the last week or so but my attention has been help elsewhere. I have been too involved in other things to post but I will continue forthwith.
The last two days at work have been amazingly pleasant. Those we serve have been for the most part in a very good place and this has made getting closer to them on an emotional level much easier.
Saturday was April fools day and they took advantage of the day to become very playful. Together with staff, my office was toilet papered and it just continued through out the day. I must admit it was a fun time. We don't get many moments when we, staff and those we serve, can become almost normal.
We sometimes forget that after all that has happened to them in their lives they still can be kids and play appropriately.