Good night All

Good Night Bisoux! Sleep well, dream well and stay safe. Tomorrow brings a whole new day to enjoy and explore!

Christmas

I hope your Christmas was a happy one filled with love and peace. People who you love and care for at your side make the day even better.
My life is new once again this holiday season and it is like experiencing it for the first time. I feel like a little kid with wide eyes filled with wonder and joy.
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.

Happy Christmas Merry New Year

I'm sitting on a couch; I've just made a new friend. Bisoux is his name. He's a six month-old cat and seems to have befriended me. Isn't that what the holiday season is about--finding new friends, reconnecting with old friends, and remembering all we have to be happy about?

Happy Christmas, Healthy New Year to all.

Free Hugs

Free Hugs in Korea. A good idea is universal! A hug by any other name is still a Hug.

Is it ending or beginning?

Ever get the felling your not sure if things are at an ending or just beginning? My life is about to change and I am a ball of emotions. One moment I am fine and the next I am sobbing uncontrollably. I want to move on yet I am frightened to move on. I can't stay so I face my fear and move on with my life. I leave more than twenty years behind and I will try to keep as much of those years as I can. I have much to be happy for but to feel that happiness may take some time.
Divorce is a rough road to trod, there are so many things that get in the way yet move forward is what I must do. I am truly blessed with friends who are there to help and not judge. I do enough of that all by myself.
A wise person once said,"shit happens". Well it sure does, and most of the time we make it happen.
I feel a wave of melancholia sweeping over me so I am going to stop for today.
May your holidays be peaceful and happiness be yours.

Let it begin

The devil made me do it.

http://www.mesasoftware.com/merrychristmas.htm

As the year ends

It's hard to believe it is almost the end of 2006. Where has the time gone? This would be a good time to look over the past year and see just how I did.
Well maybe not. The last year has been a whirlwind of activity both good and not so good and if I look closely at the past year I think some people would say it was a very bad year. I on the other hand would offer a different outlook to my year and say that although it was very hard it was a good year for me. Part of my life came crashing down around me and another part was released to see the light of day after many long years of being hidden away from the world. I have grown and become much more gentle in my thoughts and actions.I have been able to push past sterotypes and lables and accept people for who they are and not see anything but that. It was and continues to be a rocky road to travel but I wouldn't miss it for the world.
I will post more on this topic.

Snow

By the way there was a sprinkling of snow this morning. It did not stick to anything but it is the first white stuff so far.
Can winter be far behind?

Holidays

This is a crazy time if the year for me. In the rush to complete gift purchasing people oft tiems become crazed! They push and shove to get that special item that they just have to have. They scream at salespeople, like that will make inventory change, and at times attempt to take things right out of other peoples hands.
All in the name of Christmas, Oh my!
Where did the spirit of Christmas go?
When did we lose it?
What are we teaching our children about the meaning of Christmas?
Now there is a good question for us all, What does Christmas mean to each of us?

I think we need to be more like Scrooge and remember to keep Christmas in our hearts every day of the year.

As Tiny Tim said," bless us all , every one"

Here comes the sun

The sun has graced us today with it's presence. So I thought some music to celebrate all the good things today has brought.
Feels like snow in the air! I am ready for whatever Mother has in store today.

Purple Haze

Video quality is poor but Audio is pure magic.

All along the watchtower

Hendrix - Wild Thing

Wild thing....

Jimi Hendrix

Give a listen to, in my opinion, the greatest performers of all time.

Rainy day

Fridays are something to look forward to usually but when you work the weekend Friday just becomes another day to get through. It has been damp and now it is raining, what a gloomy day it is.
The unit has been through hell in the last few weeks and We all could use a break in the action. I am feeling overwhelmed and each incident only makes things worse for me. I am glad to work with good people who are all looking for the same thing. Safety and diginity for everyone, Staff and those we serve.

Thanksgiviing Redux

If only I had found this last week.
Talk about turkeys!

Thelonious Monk In Berlin 1973

Listens so easy.

Thelonious Monk - Blue Monk - Oslo, April 1966

Here is some more Jazz from YouTube.
Enjoy

Awesome video performance...must see!

Cirque de Soleil.....
This is amazing!It is a bit long but worth every second.

jerome murat
Uploaded by segalier

Feeling kinda blue

Tuesday and the rain is falling,
not hard, but just enough.
No sunshine, no warmth, no kidding...

Tuesday and the sky is falling,
hit me smack on the head.
No kidding, no sunshine, no warmth...

Tuesday and my spirit is falling,
I watched it slip away.
No warmth, no kidding, no sunshine


How does the song go?

"There ain't no sunshine when your gone"

That's it for today........

Jazz

Enjoy

Time ( like rust ) never sleeps

I would love for time to just stop, not forever just when I am enjoying myself. I rarely enjoy things these days. So when I can I do with all my heart and soul. Life can be a harsh task master yet life also holds some amazing surprises. We should just enjoy the great things and try not to let the crap burden us for too long a time.
Time may be on my side but time is not fair.
I seem to have lost my point here so I am just going to take a time out.

Tick... Tick... Tick

The count really starts. Is that ticking I hear?

I hope you all have peaceful holidays. It's always a challenge. It's not about the stuff, it's about each other.

Black Friday

What has become of the spirit of holidays? It seems lately each holiday is just a reason to start shopping for the next. Have we forgotten what the holiday is all about? I sometimes forget. Sometimes it just feels like a bother, everyone wants something else and find inf a consensus of what to do is impossible. What ever happened to celebrating with family?
I love my extended family but would it be too much to ask to spend time with the immediate family. Spouses, kids, pets, we all have phones why don't we use them.
Black Friday indeed, I'm depressed, I wonder how many others are also.

Thanksgiving

After the feast is over and we are all complaining about how much we just ate, remember all you have to be thankful for.
For me it is family, friends and the fact that I am still here, healthy and not too feeble minded.



Happy Thanksgiving

The Humanity of it all

Once again weekends are a time of high crisis with those we serve, police were called, staff were hurt and yet staff did what they could to maintain safety. I think that sometimes management does not use their head when it comes to the combination of staff working. Per Diem's and float staff with a regular unit staff is a recipe to disaster, and that is exactly what happened. Luckily the regular staff was able to get things back close to normal by 1:30 am. Moral is close to being non-existent and staff is near to exhausted. We walk around feeling traumatized
and not at all supported. I am not sure how long this can go on until the place falls apart completely.
We, unit staff, all are struggling with building good working relationships with each other and when we don't work on a regular basis it makes building relations close to impossible.
Diginity and respect is taking a beating between staff, some are frightened and others are close to burn out.

Planning

Nothing goes well unless there is some sort of plan. We have a plan for everything we do every minute of every day. We may not be conscience of the plan but believe me there is one. When We attempt to intervene with others we had better have a plan and that plan needs to be clearly communicated.
When I encounter a Behavioral Crisis I go to the team and figure out a plan to help the individual maintain Safety, by getting the persons input on what will help we have a much better chance of success. There is usually time to do this, but when there isn't then Safety is paramount. EVERYONE's safety! Trauma happens to each and everyone of us. We often look a those we serve but rarely look at ourselves or our co-workers.
Well I am looking. I have become vocal to co-workers and management on how I have been traumatized by the Behavioral Crisis on the Unit. I want to be part of the solution that will make our job safer for both those served and those I work with. I think the first step is to admit how I feel.

Trauma

I find it takes longer to recover emotionally from being traumatized. I feel sad and depressed a little longer, it takes longer to smile. Time is the thing that heals. When I am traumatized I feel as though I do not have time so I push this all inside when I know I need to talk about these things. What will I do for my emotional health? Why is it so hard to do things for oneself?
Here is where I seek out my friends. Smiling faces is a very good medicine, and I am going to get my prescription filled.
This sounds so hokey.

Dignity and Respect

Last night at work was very hard indeed. Some of the residents were struggling with safety issues and just could not maintain their safety. The entire shift was focused on these residents while the staff kept the program running at the same time. Nine residents did their best to maintain a positive attitude in the face of yelling and screaming and general trauma inflicting goings on. Staff once again stepped up and did their best to help those acting out with dignity and respect when those we serve were anything but dignified or respectful. Staff were hurt, staff and peers were re traumatized, it took a lot of work to deescalate the ones in behavioral crisis and also to ground those that were traumatized by the behaviors of their peers. The staff I work with continue to show creativity in how to help those not in crisis and compassion with those who are in crisis. Without compassionate co-workers this job would be a thing of the past. Building healthy working relationships with my co-workers is the only way to be able to do this job.
We, the staff, move forward after each crisis having learned a little more about those we serve yet more importantly we learn a little bit more about each other.
I am always reminded that there is a process and we have to trust that process.

we should never forget

Why I wear a poppy
Chris Corrigan
Parking lot

“We all fight on two fronts, the one facing the enemy and the one facing what we do to the enemy.”
– Joseph Boyden, Three Day Road, p. 301

I wish I could find a more coherent way to talk about this, about the complex set of emotions I feel in wearing a poppy and believing in peace. .....

Rememberance Day is coming and I choose to remember the men and women that I am paying to fight in Afghanistan. I am not a friend of war, and especially not a friend of this one, and I desperately wish for these men and women that if they have to confront these two fronts that it be rather in the service of a better story than the one we are being told about terror. ....

I wear a poppy today to remember those that are caught in these conflicts - the innocents and those we pay - and to remember that when they come home we owe them wholeness and a responsibility to help them heal themselves from the wars that they fight, on both fronts.

Life is a circle, wait and everything will repeat itself

The Forgotten Wounded of Iraq
Ron Kovic
truthdig

I cannot help but wonder what it will be like for the young men and women wounded in Iraq. What will their homecoming be like? I feel close to them. Though many years separate us we are brothers and sisters. We have all been to the same place. For us in 1968 it was the Bronx veterans hospital paraplegic ward, overcrowded, understaffed, rats on the ward, a flood of memories and images, I can never forget; urine bags overflowing onto the floor. It seemed more like a slum than a hospital. Paralyzed men lying in their own excrement, pushing call buttons for aides who never came, wondering how our government could spend so much money (billions of dollars) on the most lethal, technologically advanced weaponry to kill and maim human beings but not be able to take care of its own wounded when they came home.

Will it be the same for them? Will they have to return to these same unspeakable conditions? Has any of it changed? I have heard that our government has already attempted to cut back millions in much needed funds for veterans hospitals-and this when thousands of wounded soldiers are returning from Iraq. Will they too be left abandoned and forgotten by a president and administration whose patriotic rhetoric does not match the needs of our wounded troops now returning? Do the American people, the president, the politicians, senators and congressmen who sent us to this war have any idea what it really means to lose an arm or a leg, to be paralyzed, to begin to cope with the psychological wounds of that war? Do they have any concept of the long-term effects of these injuries, how the struggles of the wounded are only now just beginning? How many will die young and never live out their lives because of all the stress and myriad of problems that come with sending young men and women into combat?

Veterans Day

Saturday is Veterans Day! If you know a Vet shake his or her hand and say "thanks", we are the home of the free because of these brave people. Keep our servicemen and servicewomen in your thoughts and your prayers.
Real life hero's each and everyone!

Sick

I have been sick and getting about has been hard but I was able to keep myself entertained. I sat at the computer and found this. I hope you enjoy this as much as I did.

Smile a little smile

Sometimes you just come find something that breaks you up. This is one of those things. I would expect that hardcore star wars types hate this but it is wicked funny! Enjoy!!

Sick

I taught today in spite of feeling ill. I am teaching so much lately that I am beginning to feel like a teacher, but wait I am a teacher of sorts. Maybe I should say I am a role model of what I teach. Yes that is much more accurate. I feel strange sometimes when I try and help my co-workers realize that in order to deliver quality care to those we serve we must have good, healthy working relationships with not only those we serve but also with each other. The more I think about it the more I realize that healthy working relationships with my co-workers is the key to quality care. If we can not extend dignity and respect to each other how in the world are we going to show dignity and respect to those we serve?
Why is it we treat each other so badly? We watch each other struggle and yet we rarely reach out to help.
Those we serve witness this and no matter what we say, they understand non-verbals and body language very well. When our mouths say something but our actions say something else, those we serve listen to our deeds not our words.

Feeling kind of lonely

I have been feeling kind of lonely the last few days and sad. I found this clip and it brought a smile to my face and reminded me that I have friends who make me feel loved.
Sometimes it's not the words but the feelings that say it all.

What the world needs now........

Can you really say no to a hug!

Time...Is it really on my side?

If there is one thing that I have, it is time. I like that I have time but on the other hand time just keeps me waiting. What I truly want will take time and what I want to end will take time. See the problem here. Either way the only thing that seems to be constant is time.
People tell me that in time I will look back at this time and laugh. I don't think so but one never knows.

For now I live one day at a time.

As the song goes " time keeps on slipping , slipping, into the future"

2016

So will Ya?

Weekend

I went to visit some very old and very good friends over the weekend it was a five hour trip but it was worth every minute. I haven't seen Arnold and Juanita for almost 16 years yet it was like I just left them yesterday. The warmth and genuine love and caring I was given by these two extraordinary people will always be remembered and cherished. I promised not to let 16 years go by before I visit again and I will keep that promise. By the way I left my shoes so now I have to visit again.
A more peaceful couple you will never find. I basked in their happiness and was regenerated both physically and emotionally.

Thank you.

Music is the thing today

I have been surfing the web lately listening to music of all sorts and found this . I hope you enjoy

Happiness is a warm, yes it is .........Friendship

OK I just got back from a weekend with two of the most amazing people on the face of the earth! I am not joking. Juanita and Arnold helped me believe that all things happen for a reason and things will work out, given time and friends to help keep you focused. I had forgotten what it felt like to be accepted for who you are. My lord what a horrible thing to happen to someone. As I left them in their driveway I had already begun to miss them. Luckily I had a five hour drive ahead of me in which time I could bask in the warmth of their love.
I am blessed...
Thank You Both!

Magic

have you seen this film? If not it is a good escape from the grind

What I would give for time

Time seems to be going by way too fast. It seems like only yesterday I was full of hopes and dreams and thought anything was possible. I am sorry to say that I have fewer hopes and my dreams have taken a hit also. I still do think that anything is possible no matter what people say to the contrary. I find if I am willing to just stay the course no matter what, things do turn out right. It's all a matter of time. What I would give for some time.
Thanks for all the support folks, you know who you are but more importantly I know who you are mostly. For the ones I do not personally, well to you all I can say is I wish I did know you, Thanks.

I wonder if this will work

Stress relief

I have decided to visit some friends in New York for the weekend. I need a few friendly faces and a compliment every once in awhile so I am heading to friendlier climes.

The never ending story

Life for me at work seems to have spiraled out of control lately. I was hopeful that all the crap was just about over and done with but I was wrong. Now it seems my supervisor has got on the gossip bus. If you thought I was mad before well let me tell you I am near homicidal. HR is my next stop on this insane journey. Drop by again to hear how HR helped. I am being so very optimistic and hopeful. We shall see.

Lost and Found

Out of the Blue when I needed it the most I got a call from a lost friend. Now they didn't lose me I lost them. I am foolish to let anyone get lost when real friends are something special.
Hello there and thank you for finding me.

Same shit ,new day

I am mad as hell and I am not going to take it any longer!
I am mad as hell and I am not going to take it any longer!
I am mad as hell and I am not going to take it any longer!

I have rights that are being trampled on and I want it to end! I am about to take the fight to the opposing team. I will not have my private life dragged throughout my workplace by gossip hungry co-workers.
You know who you are, you need to stop. You seem to get some pleasure out of this. Enjoy yourself, you time is almost over. Your mouth will be your downfall. Buy a dictionary and look up the words professionalism, boundaries and privacy. Then go back under the rock you crawled out from.

My friends I want to thank you again for all your support.
All you little people leave me alone, you make me ill.

Work

Work is becoming more stressful if that is possible. People feel unsafe and leaderless. Nobody wants to make a decision because people feel that they will not get support from management.
I work with some very excellent people yet they have been second guessed constantly. When they have attempted to make changes they were stymied time and again.
Micro breweries make really good beer, micro management makes people crazy. It is the real sign of a poor manager.

Freedom

Just what the hell is this freedom People are always talking about. I don't know about you but I don't seem to have much freedom going on at the moment. People just can't seem to get out of my shit! I feel like a damn fish in a bowl and everyone just keeps peeking in and tapping on the glass.
PEOPLE I am not that interesting! Go watch cartoons or whatever it is you do to keep your little minds busy. Just leave me the hell alone. You are all pitiful, little people.
Whatever happened to personal privacy?

Feelings

Cognitive Distortions

Cognitive Distortions
Most of us take the way we feel for granted.
Just as we often take our feelings for granted, so we often take for granted the thoughts that cause them.
We frequently speak as if events or other people "make" us happy or sad or scared or excited. But this isn't quite true.
Even when it seems as if we were reacting directly to events in our environment, if we look more closely we can see that it's not that simple. We don't react directly to an event; we react to our interpretation of the event.

Nothing is simple. Life is complicated.

Update

Life moves forward or ends. It never goes backwards. If you don't do something now the chance slips away forever! You may be lucky and do it at a later time but that one instant in time is lost forever. Imagine what might have happened if we took the risk the instant it afforded itself?
Live for today my friends you just never know what tomorrow holds for you.

Where am I now

Well I must say it has been a very long time since I last posted here.
I wonder if anyone still drops by for a look?
As the name suggests I am dealing with not just one but many crisis' at the moment. Ever get the feeling that even when your looking up all you can see is down?

We each handle stress differently but some things are constant...

1. Without friends stress will kill you.
2. You only really know your friends during a time of crisis.
3. They usually are not the people who you think they are.
4. The People who Love you can be mad with you but they still love!
5. The only people who matter are the ones who love you no matter what.

I believe it's called unconditional love.

For all of you out there who have offered their unconditional love, thank you.

For all of you who have not, well I know your true colors and will deal with you accordingly.


I have not room in my life for hate right now so good bye.

Wow

OK here's the deal, We have been asked to suggest something that we would like. Those we work for want to express their appreciation for all the hard work we have done and do each and every day.
How often have we complained that we do not get the recognition we deserve and low and behold here it is, after all this time. So why am I having such a hard time asking for something that would have meaning to me?

Under pressure

Things just seem to get worse as the days go by. Self harm continues and we as staff are beginning to be immune to it. Well at least on the surface we are. If we begin to explore our feeling then trouble begins for us emotionally. It is a very hard job but there are times, like now, when the job can feel overwhelming. The worst part is we (staff) still have trouble communicating with each other. Things seem bleak. The feeling is discouragement mostly these days. Maybe it has something to do with the long period of rain and grey clouds. Sunshine couldn't hurt.

Emotions

Ten days of constant assault on our senses and I am about to scream out loud "Enough!".
You lose sight of just how much of an emotional toll this type of work takes. Who takes care of the care giver? When the care giver is blind to the need. Silly how we forget to help ourselves.

Overloaded

The last past few weeks have been a blur here at work. New people make for interesting times. Each new person brings with them their own stuff that then gets mixed with everybody else's stuff and this can cause such conflict.
New coping skills are cast aside and old ones embraced once again making life caustic between those we serve. We are going through a period of self harming behavior by those we serve and it is very difficult to deal with when the behavior is constant. I feel so inadequate and at a loss as to what to do. This self harming behavior affects the community of young ladies I serve on many levels. It also affects myself and those I work with and we each deal with the effects in different ways. It is at times overwhelming all the emotions that are surfacing within me as a result of dealing with the self harming behaviors of others.
I have become short, anxious and distant toward those I serve and those I work with. A result of the emotional upheaval resulting from dealing with self harming behaviors daily and over a long period of time.
If we are not constantly assessing ourselves both emotionally and physically we become overloaded and we no longer can help ourselves regulate our emotions never mind help those we serve regulate theirs.
Where do those who help go for help? Is it OK to feel the way we feel? Asking for help is a good thing, right. So why does it feel so bad?

What is important

Ever get the feeling that things are just spinning out of control. Maybe losing sight of what is important and what is just not worth getting worried about. Maybe just burned out by the constant urgency of those you work with. Maybe the inability to communicate what is really important to you is driving you right to the edge.
Well I feel as if I have been on the edge for the longest time and just need to ease back or I will go over tthe edge. Thats right, just burn baby burn.
I need... What do I need? Support, help, understanding and some basic communication. Is this too much to ask, I wonder?

Stress

It is amazing how some new faces can turn the entire place upside down. New people seem to send the long time residents into a tail dive. Everything from self image problems to feeling that they are not smart enough. Clicks start and then it's all out war between the girls and that means chaos on the floor.
Now add to that staff feeling stressed by any number of things and we have the recipe for a melt down of huge proportions. When we as staff struggle with communicating with each other how will be able to communicate with those we serve? The place feels like it is going to explode and I as well as my fellow co-workers feel unable to stop the negative momentum. It is like watching a speeding train attempting to make a turn and knowing full well that it will derail because there is too much momentum. I hate feeling helpless and that is what I feel most of the time of late.
We had a staff meeting today and we at least are beginning to talk to each other. That is the best thing that has happened in the last two weeks. It does give me hope that we will be able to turn the corner and begin to work once again as a team. A team that was and can be again a very powerful influence in the girls lives.
I sometimes wonder if anyone is reading what I write and sometimes I think the hell with this but I keep on posting hoping someone will read and maybe even respond. I guess I am ever the optimist, or maybe just a glutton for punishment. You decide.

On a sad note

April, 30 is the 15th anniversary of my fathers death. We oft times were are odds over many things yet for a few years before he died we started to find common ground. His death hit me hard and I still struggle with it to this day. I miss him still every day.
Funny how things go, when he died I was so angry at him for dying. How could he do that to me? Just as we began to mend and heal our lives together he died! It was Easter Sunday when he died and the holiday has never been the same for me since.
Farewell chocolate bunnies, colored eggs and jelly beans. Goodbye Dad. Love ya still.

SNAFU

OK so we seem to be at odds with each other and we are unable to pull together for the common good. This affects both staff and those we serve so we need to do something and we need to do it soon. My co-workers and I appear to be a bit on the toasty side and we can't go on like this much longer or we will all burn-out.
The dilemma for me is what can I do to help? I may be part of the problem and if I am can I still help? We have almost no communication with each other so getting through this rough time seems impossible. I know it's not but I am afraid some of my co-workers don't share my optimism. Lately going to work has been very hard. I am anxious all the time and second guess myself constantly. This is not the way I usually work.
I guess what I can do to help is to get myself back to baseline, do what I am good at. I need to lead by example and hope some of my co-workers will follow. I have been supportive to most everyone I work with so maybe I need to verbalize my feelings with them? I feel alone most of there time and I hate the feeling.
If you are reading this please help. Seek me out and talk to me let me know what I can do or what I should not do. Maybe e-mail would work better for some of you, I understand it can be hard to say things face to face but please try anyway you can.
I haven't been caught in a snafu in many years. I didn't like it then and I don't like it now.

Work

It has been a very tough few days at work. My co-workers were really put to the test over the weekend and I am proud to say they were outstanding! They did everything in there power to ensure a safe place for each and every adolescent girl that was there. I am amazed at how hard they work and also how good the are at their job.
I want them all to know how great a job they did. I only wish others could also let them know. For now it is only my praise they hear but I am working on that.

As time goes by

April 22nd was my sons birthday, he turned 16. He also was in a basketball tournament at UVM in Burlington, Vermont. His team finished first place for the fourth year in a row. He had a very large cheering section as our entire family showed up to both root his team and celebrate his birthday. He was in heaven and it was a moment in time he will not soon forget. My god to be young and also the center of the attention of everyone you know must have been so exciting. Happy Birthday Ian
May 1st is my daughters birthday and she will turn 21. My god am I really that old? 21 only happens once in a lifetime and we plan on making it a an affair she also will not soon forget. There are people coming from all over the country and maybe even the world. Relatives and friends will converge on Burlington Vt. to help celebrate her. Happy Birthday Christina

Holidays

Working at a place like this you can forget that holidays are usually not a good time for those we serve. For them holidays are never predictable and most of the time dangerous. As a result staff work hard at making holidays safe and to the best of our ability fun.
Easter is tomorrow and the staff will plan an Easter egg hunt with the girls. It will be a struggle for some but it will work itself out. Maybe we will do Brunch with the girls and just go outside and enjoy the day. We forget sometimes that it really is the simple things that make memories. So we will keep it simple.

Happy Easter...

What about Bob

Come mothers and fathers through out the land
now don't criticize what do can't understand
your sons and your daughters are beyond your command
The old world is rapidly fading
get out of the new one if you can't lend a hand
the times they are a'changing

When Bob Dylan wrote these words they had meaning and they still have meaning today!
My workplace is changing and some of us are struggling with the change. Some of are moving slow yet moving forward. Some of us are not moving at all. Some of us are stuck in the old and either can't see the need to change or disagree with the change. We are at a critical point, We will help but we can not do it without you.
Believe me the times really are changing

Behaviors

Why can't we look behind the behaviors and discover what drives them? Is it too much work?
Why do we always want to respond to a behavior with one of our own? This rarely works!
Why do we need to feel we are in control? Truth is we are not in control!
Why do we struggle with letting go of old interventions that do not work? (insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results)

When will we see we are caught in senseless power struggles where no one wins!
When will we end the insanity? Our insanity!

Stress

In the last five days I have placed hands on some of those I serve too many times and it almost happened again today! Being an adolescent away from home ( no matter what the home was like) must be so scary and lonely. I have to keep in mind that although those I serve are not "normal" they do have feelings just like everyone else. As a matter of fact they are in touch with those feelings more than most of those who work here! Also they have so much more crap in their lives that just make feeling a scary thing to do so they can often act out. I struggle with not responding to a behavior with a behavior of my own. This gets no one anywhere except into a senseless power struggle. I need to remember that I do have a working relationship with every one of the girls I work with. They let me help them in times of high emotional turmoil and depend on the staff to keep them safe when they can not.
I have to keep asking myself, "what caused the behavior" and not get caught up in the behavior they present. This can be hard when the behavior is dangerous to themselves or someone else. The behaviors can be violence to themselves, Cutting, scratching, severe head banging, just to name a few. We all have reactions to these behaviors yet we need to discover the antecedents If we hope to help them break the cycle of self injury or violence.
As hard as it is for those we serve it is just as hard to see someone hurt themselves. I sometimes find myself crying as I process with co-workers the events of the day. Thank goodness I have co-workers that understand what stress can do to someone and are willing to let us feel without judging. It would be impossible to work where I do without their support! This job is not a contest about who can do this or that, rather how we can all help keep those we serve safe.
I left today emotionally exhausted and at the same time pleased that we were able to help someone stay safe.

Splits

So it seems we have a split between shifts. It seems that we don't want to admit it or we just don't care enough to work it through. I love my job and I really enjoy working with almost all of my co-workers. Having said that I must admit that there are one or two that I have issues with but do not want to spend the time to attempt to reconcile with them! I need to look into my self and figure out why I have these feelings and then is it worth it to fix? One is easy I know why and I don't want to fix it! I can work with this person, I just will never like them personally. As long as they have a common goal with me to help make the place safe for those we serve I can be civil.
I guess I am just a coward, why else would I not confront these people with how I feel and what I think?
I feel that this rift is getting bigger and it beginning to spill into our work. I will soon be faced with a speak or just muddle along being angry. I don't want to do that, I can't do that. I might just as well look for somewhere else to work. This should not be this hard!

Trauma

Today was a very hard day once again for my co-workers and I. My whole day was spent in meetings or working to help a young lady from inflicting self-harm . I had a lot of help in dealing with her and we all did an amazing job. The young woman in question also did amazing work to feel feelings that most people would do our best to avoid. She did her best to stay in the here and now feelings like hurt, abandonment, loneliness. Yet there were times when she moved toward anger and began to lash out at staff and herself. She began to bang her head quite hard against the wall and would not stop. Verbal interventions were not working so in an effort to prevent her from causing severe damage to her head we held her in a supportive way to prevent the head banging. This did work yet it was a tough thing to do as the young lady was very strong and also very agitated. As we held her we continued to use supportive verbalize with her reassuring her she was safe and also that she was doing a good job de-escalating.
This was the second time I intervened with this young lady and I was expecting a battle yet she was working hard to not hurt staff or herself, something she could have easily done if that was her plan. That was not her plan, her plan was to hurt herself and she was able to not do that today. She cried instead! A cry that came from a pain unknown to me but I understand the healing power of tears. I also understand the incredible inner strength this young woman possess that enables her to live day to day with such intense hurt and pain.

I suffer emotionally when I have to place hands on someone in my care. I work hard to build a therapeutic relationship with each of the people under my care. When it was over I sat and processed the incident with the young woman and make sure I knew she are safe and understand why and how the whole thing happened. I also apologize for placing hands on them. This does not make it better but it does let them know I respect them and still care about their welfare and safety.

Soap Box

I sometimes wonder what the noise is all about. My head gets so full of stuff that at times I find it extremely hard to focus on what is really important. So many things seems important when the truth is not many things are. I sometimes just want to scream! What ever happened to common sense? What ever happened to honesty? Why do I find it so hard to tell people what I really think? Do I really care what people think about me... Of course I do but why? Will I be somebody else if people think badly of me? Am I just a coward, hiding behind a mask of indifference?

I just want to give up at times and become like those around me. "Blend in and be safe", that is what that voice in my head keeps telling me. Why can't I just do it? I feel I pay a great deal by not conforming. I really don't like to be on the outside but I must admit I have become comfortable being there. I sit here confused and disheartened...

OK enough of this soap box. There is so much more inside of me but I can't get it out just yet this a start...
any feedback is welcome.

Emotional trauma

Today was a tough day. One of the people we serve had a most difficult time and escalated to become a danger to others. After what seemed like a very long time of attempting to de-escalate the person with every tool we possessed the person became physically assaultive to staff. This young lady spit and staff and attempted to punch them also. At that point staff had no alternative but to put hands on her to keep people safe.
It is never an easy thing to physically hold someone who is out of control on a number of levels. First people can get hurt. Second you run the risk of re-traumatizing them and in some case staff also can be traumatized. At times like this we (staff ) interact with the utmost dignity and respect as this can be helpful in times of high anxiety. Some people do not realize that if one person is in crisis you can be sure there are others in crisis also. Staff can become anxious and we always need to know where we are in the crisis cycle. We never want to be the cause of escalating someone!
I personally find physical intervene a painful thing to do and as a result do all I can to prevent people from having to be physically held. Emotionally it takes time for me to process my feelings. As I sometimes do become traumatized. I am lucky to have staff who understand this and are very supportive and help me process afterwards. I am grateful to be part of a great team. Thanks for all the support!

Focus

I am sorry for not posting in the last week or so but my attention has been help elsewhere. I have been too involved in other things to post but I will continue forthwith.
The last two days at work have been amazingly pleasant. Those we serve have been for the most part in a very good place and this has made getting closer to them on an emotional level much easier.
Saturday was April fools day and they took advantage of the day to become very playful. Together with staff, my office was toilet papered and it just continued through out the day. I must admit it was a fun time. We don't get many moments when we, staff and those we serve, can become almost normal.
We sometimes forget that after all that has happened to them in their lives they still can be kids and play appropriately.

Peace and goodwill

Today was an amazing day at work. It was one of those days that we all hope for yet rarely see. Everyone was in the Zone and as a result everyone was at a place where they could treat each other with dignity and respect. It reminds me of why I work where I do. To able to stand back and watch as the young ladies interacted in a completely appropriate manner was actually heart-warming. Yes Alice they really do have feelings and those feelings are what endears them
to us

A day in the life

Well once more life at work crashes in on my reality. One of the young ladies became so angry at other people and instead of telling them how she felt she went for the self injury route. She is fine yet the impact on those around her was pretty intense. That is for staff as well as other girls. The floor feels so tense and I am sure it will not take much to set it off. My co-workers continue to do an outstanding job at helping in every way possible. Their interventions are both traditional and so creative and as a result they deliver the best quality care anywhere! The most amazing part is they do this day in and day out, sun up to sun down and they do it with Dignity and Respect.
We as a staff may struggle with communicating with each other but when it comes to helping those we serve we are on the same page and mostly the as line!
Alas, I still struggle with letting my co-workers know how I truly feel about how good a job they do! So... Hey, you are all doing a great job!

Sometimes I wonder

Today was a somewhat disheartening day. There is a young lady who did not get to see her baby daughter yesterday and as a result became very upset. Kind of understandable, yet her behavior was not the kind that would get peoples attention except in a negative way. Now I do not believe that is what she was looking to do yet that was the end result. When I heard what happened I spoke with her and said it must have made her sad and understood that feeling. She began to cry and sob and I let her express the feeling in a more appropriate manner than yelling and cursing.
Now she still took her bed for the rest of the day but at least she knew that we knew what was behind the behavior yesterday and we also were able to help her use a new coping skill (crying) to express the feelings
Here once again we found the antecedent and then removed it. The behavior not only ended but she was able to replace it with one that enabled her to get the support she desperately needed and wanted. Now this is not ROCKET SCIENCE yet we still struggle with answering a behavior ( theirs ) with another behavior ( ours ).
Once I began to look at behavior as a form of communication, I was able to begin to understand that what I need to do is find what is driving the behavior and deal with that ( antecedent ).
You don't need to be a parent to understand how she must have felt when she could not see her baby. You just need to understand feelings and not focus on the behaviors. In other words forget the facts sometimes and listen for the feelings. They will guide you as to what to do.
After all, we are here to help and role model. Not levee consequences.

What was I thinking!

OK, Like I said I have trouble with delegating. It appears I also have trouble saying NO! Here is a day when I had personal things to do but what did I do, I helped out at work! Something good did come from it and for that I am grateful . You know what I mean.

Tuesday and rest

Today is my day off, well it's a day when I am not at work. I still have more commitments than I would like on a day when I need to re-charge my ebbing energy. Looks like I still need work on delegating!
Ever get the feeling that the world is lopsided and you are in the lower half. Life becomes a constant struggle trying to get to higher ground when in reality you just want to get to level ground! Now that was an eye opener for me, understanding that I didn't need to hold the high ground. That to level the field would help everyone work together and not against each other.

Paradise Lost? Maybe not

As I have said many times before to anyone who would listen, each day is truly a new beginning. The day started nice and then within minutes of 7:30 am began to unravel right before our eyes. People sick, people angry, and people just plain refusing to do anything. What a time to stop drinking coffee! Yet once again we were able to motivate those we could and find the antecedents of the ones that were angry so we were able to get them started once again. By the time school started we had the situation in hand and almost everyone at school or heading in that direction.
Thank God level heads prevailed! With the help of the RN we even we able to bring all but one girl to the Cafe.
After Lunch it just started all over again. Girls angry and threatening other people. Anxiety was the overall feeling on the floor. With the help of staff from other places we just forged ahead and were able to remotivate everyone to move on to the next activity.
OK, here I must say that my co-worker was a shining star, as always. Without her help I would have thrown in the towel many times if not for her energy and skill. She was able to deal calming with folks that had me on the edge. Thank You!
Keep in mind that all this went on before 1pm, and then it started all over again. Yelling, screaming,cursing, threats and the throwing of the shoes to boot signaled the start of round three. By the time the next shift arrived for work things appeared to be once more calm.
Blessed be the peace keepers for theirs is a very hard job!
GOOD WORK!

Another day in Paradise

So another day is over and everything worked well today. We, the staff , maintained a safe environment where those we serve we able to interact we each other in a fairly respectful way. We were even able to go for a hike in the woods without all the fuss that sometimes can happen between young ladies!
I forget sometimes how much fun we have together when the internal and external stuff does not get in the way. We work just as hard either way but one way is so much more pleasant than the other! You would be surprised how much relationship building you can do on a hike!

Full House

OK, I am sitting at the computer and all of a sudden the door opens and in walks my brother-in-law and his family. Now keep in mind that my daughter her boyfriend and their laundry are already here so now I have 9 people in my quickly shrinking house and everyone is hungry! Now somewhere I realise that I like these people but right at this moment I want them all gone. Alas to my horror they will be until Sunday night! Somehow the pharse relaxing evening is not working for me now! I will need to get out of the house or I will lose my mind!
I just have to keep repeating to myself " I love these people, I really do" and not "are we having fun yet"?

Expect the unexpected

The great thing about my job is no two days are ever the same. For those people who need to know exactly what they will do day after day this is not the job you them. On the other hand sometimes it would be nice to know what to expect other than the unexpected! One thing is for sure it keeps you on your feet, or else you get buried. Today looked like it might turn into a horror but things fell into place nicely and the day went rather smoothly. When you work with good people and communicate things work out.
As the day wore on and each new "dilemma" arose we worked to find a solution that worked for everyone involved. Not the easiest thing to do at times but today it all just worked!

A note before I go

I am constantly amazed by the young ladies I work with. They have lived lives that have been so insane and at time cruel yet they can touch you in way that is always unexpected. OK they can be hell on wheels at times but once they allow you into their safety zone they change right before your eyes! Trust is such a large issue for them all yet they continue to let people in. I adimre how at times they can speak of feelings so clearly with a language i only wish I possessed.
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I am also always amazed by my co-workers and how they put so much of themselves into this place. Their investment is huge. No matter how poorly they are treated they keep coming back with dignity and respect, time after time. I wonder if they know how much I admire them. Propably not because other than here I don't say it aloud to them . I am sorry for that and I will change that .

Be kind to each other

I have found that one can attempt to role model something but if nobody gets what you are doing, well what's the use. So as a result I will tweek my approach and I will tell my co-workers what I am doing as I do it. The concept is simple, treat everyone with dignity and respect. It doesn't matter if they treat you that way or not. We need to show them not just tell them, and we need to start with each other, yes, you and me first. Then those we serve.

Be kind to me day

OK that's it As of Thursday evening I am Offically outta here. No, NO, I am not leaving the job. I am going to go incommunicado for at least all of friday, No cell phone, No computer, no Kidding! I am going to get in my car and drive. My distination will be a surprise, I'll know it when I get there. If anyone is looking for me well tough luck. I am handing the reins over to the Exec. Vice president for Day! I NEED a mental Health Day! I have watched out for every one else this past week now it is time to watch out for me. If I sound bitter I am not. I am just tired and I need a break.

RAMBLINGS

I am fried here at work, the last two weeks have been one crisis after another. Well that's not exactly true. It has only been one CRISIS but it just keeps on going. There is now an end in sight. I have lost sleep over this and I rarely loose sleep! I worry all the time and feel alone except for some stolen moments that are allowed me. I at times become an emotional time bomb just ticking and threatening to explode. I hate the feeling. I only wish my command of communication were better so I could express just how overwhelmed I have been.
I need to be able to DELEGATE yet there are times when there is no one who will step up. So I just enable my co-leaders by doing things myself! I either have to change or I will need to remove myself from the stress. You know I love this blog. I can come here and write things I would never say out loud. I can do this because very few people read this and as a result those who do have become a support for me in two ways, reading and then leaving a comment. I am grateful for those who do. You know who you are.

Apple of my eye

I spoke to my daughter last evening and during the conversation I let her know two things that I needed her to know. First that she was and always will be the apple of my eye. That it was my daughter that taught me how to be a dad and more importantly how to be a man. I know this may sound strange but that is what it is. My daughter would sometimes say to me that I loved my son more than her. I was never able to explain to her how so very much she means to me, because I was foolish enough not to share just how I really felt about her. Shame on me! She knows exactly how I feel about her today and my plan is to keep it that way. Second, my son has special needs and because of this I must say I cut him lots of slack while not cutting my daughter almost any! Her perception was I loved him more. I do love my son up one side and down the other but My daughter was my first child, she was my teacher. She was and is and always will be, "The Apple of my eye".

Down Time

Sunday is here and the weekend is all but over. Errands will take up much of my Sunday but then again I have the day off so I should not complain too much. Errands....just the word sends unpleasent feeling to my brain! So many errands, so little interest! Well I did have a day where I was not the one who had to make all the decisions. I did enjoy giving up the weight of being the responsible one!
I do feel like going on today so here I go!
We went to see "TRANS AMERICA" with friends last evening and if you have not seen this film I suggest that you do so. It is a thought provoking film to say the least. I enjoyed the film but I also enjoyed the discussion that followed over a late meal!

Hey You.....

Hey you!
You know who you are!
Aloha!
Have a great time!
See you when you get back.

Comfort Zones

We all have our own comfort zones that enable use to live a relatively "normal" life. But just take away our comfort zone or try and diminish our "bubble" so to speak and we are thrown into an emotional upheaval. Would we let someone do this to us? I think not, thank you! Yet inadvertly we do this to the people whom we serve more often than not without even thinking about it. Small things to us may not be that small to someone else, in fact it may be catastrophic to them.
I think it is time to stop and revisit the way we use ourselves and the tools we have available to us while at work in regards to things like.....Food, clothing, school, Self-esteem, just to memtion a few.
After all are we here to help them or place road blocks in their way?

Courage

Just what is this thing Courage. Some people seem to have an abundance of it and others seem to have none at all. I sometimes ponder just what exactly it is. I always liked to think courage is nothing more than being afraid of something yet doing it anyway. The young girls that I work with at times demonstrate courage in everything they do each and every day. I look at them and think to myself would I be able to talk about the things they do? Would I be able to ever trust a living soul again after what they have been through? I stand in awe of their courage.

Thursday March 9, 2006

Sorry folks no posts today! If I find the energy maybe later tonight.

I don't need no stinking hats

It's amazing what a soak in the hot tub can do for ones stress. I won't say it's all gone but I will say I have achieved relaxation! Now for some sleep!

One too many Hats

This is going to sound like I am complaining and I am. Sometimes those that I work with and those whom employ me can be the biggest pain in my Butt! I sit here emotionally drained as I try and sort though all my thoughts and feelings of the last 9 hours! I felt so completely alone at one point today and just wanted to say "the heck with it" OK mybe not those exact words but I bet you know what I mean. Well I made it through the day with my sanity and now I can just zone out for the next few hours. I will not answer my phone even is god is calling. What she would want with me is beyond me anyway!
Time to rest and get ready for the next part of the insanity coming soon.

Food.........

Food just a little word but what an impact on each and every one of us. Under the best of circumstances we use food for many reasons, under the worst we use food to keep people away, to fill an emptiness that seems never to go away. We use food feel better. We use food to slowly kill ourselves by eating too much or too little. Let's face it we all have issues with food!
So How do we help someone who is slowly killing themselves with how they use food?
Can we make them eat? Can we make them stop? We can teach them what is healthy to eat and what is a healthy portion. Yet until they (those we serve) begin to deal with all the issues why the use food they will never stop!
Should I become the food police and follow them around and point out that they are making poor food choices. I am sure this will make them want to follow my directions.
Dignity , Respect and honesty is the way.

Keep your hands off of my pie

OK we all have our turf and we will defend it to the bitter right? Well although it seems to be human nature to do this, it just makes working together a complete misery. Why do we have such a hard time in trusting our co-workers? OK there are many reasons but can't we just let it go! More past, slide on down the road, get the point!
If we can't builld a working relationship with each other We will never be able to build one with the people we serve! We will never be able to role model respect to them when we do not respect each other! They are not blind, deaf or non-hearing. They see how we treat each other, how we talk to each other and how we listen to each other!
Why do we expect them to be respectful when we struggle with respect?

Town Meeting Day

OK today is Town Meeting, that is when everyone in town gets to vote on schoolboard members and if there are any issues that need to be discussed well we discuss the hech out of them. Brattleboro, My Town, does not hold a town meeting but we do have an austrialian ballot today. I will vote and let my voice be heard.
So any of you Vermonters who stop by the blog today PLEASE remember to vote and or attend your town meeting.
Freedom isn't free. Protect yours!
Stop for a minute today and remember those serving in our armed forces without their efforts there might not be town meetings.

Working toward the common goal

One day I will work at a place where everyone is working toward a common goal. For most of my working life I have worked at places where there was a stated common goal but in reality it was not a goal shared by all. So needless to say the goal was never accomplished. It is hard to change ! I find myself , at times working against the common goals. Imagine what it is like when the common goals are blurred or non-existant.
I need to learn to let go of control that I really do not have.! I am not in control of anyone by myself.
Without the support of those I work with the common goal will never be met. Without a basic relationship with co-workers we will never be able to role model dignity and respect. Without dignity and respect those we serve will never be afforded the oppunity to see how adults are supposed to interact with each other. They already know how to be angry and distrustful they do not need me to reaffirm that.

Trauma

Today, We once again were confronted with a young lady that self-harmed, it was not life threatening. For that we were all grateful. As the events unfolded I was once again amazed by my co-workers and how they did all they could do with dignity and respect throughout the entire day. I believe that things worked out well as a direct result of how well we worked with each other as well as those whom we serve. They never lost sight of each and every one of the girls and how each one was or could have been affected by the incident. They also never lost sight of how we too were affected. I am part of a team, and that helps us get through really tough times and still be respectful and also be a role model to those who need to see adults that are not threatening or angry.

Touch me ...Touch You

Touch How important is it? How long can we survive without human contact? Can we survive without human contact? What is the first thing we want to do when we see another person in pain, any kind of pain? Do we not want to reach out and make it all better by touching them. A hand on the shoulder, a pat on the back, a hug. We all do it.
My question is what does it mean to not only the person touching but also the person being touched! My guess is it is not the same for both. I rarely will touch someone I serve but Once in a while I will. I always ask permission before I do and if they say no then I don't. Sometimes the reason for touching is unclear, is for me or for them?
So what is the deal with touching? One never knows what a touch will mean from one minute to the next that is why I rarely will touch. I work with young girls who have had some physical abuse in their lives and I don't want to become someone who inadvertly re-traumatized them by any kind of physical contact.
Yet physical human contact is so important.........Here then is my quandary. To touch or not to touch. For now, that is the question!

Working Together.............

Felix Warneken, is a scientist at the Max Planck Institute.

Felix Warneken was in a tough spot. While hanging laundry, he had "accidentally" dropped a clothespin out of reach. Stretch as he might, he couldn’t grab it.
He even cried out, "My pin!"

A young chimpanzee sitting nearby picked up on Warneken’s distress and retrieved the clothespin for him.
Since the chimp received no reward, or even a "thank you," this experiment indicates chimps can be altruistic, a quality many scientists thought only humans possessed.
Interestingly, if Warneken threw the pin deliberately, neither chimps or humans would pick it up. They only retrieved it if they could infer that Warneken needed it to complete his task.

In another study in the journal, researchers observed that when a task requires more than one set of hands, chimps call on "experts" to help out.

Researchers placed a food tray outside the chimp’s cage. Pulling on a both ends of a rope attached to the tray was the only way to bring the food within reach. But the ends were so far apart that the chimp had to enlist a helper.
"The experiments show that chimpanzees spontaneously recognize that when they are faced with a problem they cannot solve on their own they need to recruit help," said study coauthor Brian Hare of the Max Planck Institute.
The chimps quickly figured out which chimp was best at rope-tugging and selected the expert more frequently

Yesterday and Today

Sometimes it is hard to put yesterday out of our minds when we are dealing with the here and now ( Today).
Yesterday gives us insight into all the possibilities of where somesome or something may go. Yet yesterday also clouds our judgement and as a result we tend to want to impose restraints upon someone or something to make ourselves feel more at ease with the situation. Now there is nothing wrong with this per say except that it does not necessarily help the person with whom we are serving.
So where is the middle ground?
Should there be a middle ground?
My thought is to ask the person and together work out a solution. Co-management I believe is the way to proceed.

Lighter Side

http://sfpl.lib.ca.us/news/onlineexhibits/amusing/
Follow this link to a time forgot.

A Drop in the Bucket...

When I am at work it is not about my feelings or my values. It is not ever about me it is always about those I serve. Whether they are being respect to me or not I will be respectful to them as best I can. If I do not model this behavior I thought no one else would! Thank goodness I was wrong in that thinking. There are others, more and more each day, who begin to treat each other as well as those we serve with dignity and respect!

Memories

Memories are what keep us going at times. They can bring a smile to our faces and remind us of all kinds of things both good and bad. We all know how to deal with good memories and we all like to remember good things. Yet it is the bad memories that we have real trouble with. Some of us will remember Bad things and just go on with life. While some of us can not move past bad memories for many reasons. Imagine if you will horrific things that have happened to some of us and all the feelings that come along with those feelings. For some of us it is the feelings that are so had to deal with. I encountered a young lady today that was feeling so bad about herself and at the same time so lonely that she just did not want to feel anymore! So she self-injured. As the blood appeared so did the feelings! Luckily the wounds were not so deep so she was not in any life threatening danger.
Trauma cuts both ways, excuse the pun as none is intended, it affects the ones that self-harm as surely as it affects the ones who attempt to see them through these difficult times. Once again we come to treating others with dignity and respect. If we stop them do we really stop them or do we teach them to no longer talk to us when they are feeling unsafe or overwhelmed with emotions because we feel uncomfortable with their coping skills. Albeit coping skills that really are not working to keep the SAFE.

Big Brother is watching......

This is scary stuff! The case goes to court in a few days. Am I paranoid or is there a real attack on our personal freedom happening here? Where I go ,what I do, who I do it with, is nobody's concern but my own! Voice your concerns with anyone that is within earshot of your voice! Today Google....... ?

Why is it that when we feel threatened we want to make like John Wayne and circle the wagons. Does this really make us feel safe or give us the feeling we are in control? Could we be just blind monkey's missing all the real communication others are attempting with us!
What would happen if we just listened to others? Without worrying about what we will say in reply! Sometimes listening says more than our words ever will or could. Remember it is others perspective not ours that counts. Be humble and treat others with dignity and respect. You will be amazed at their reaction!

Why do we need to use consequences?

A young lady I work with said to me today "Why are all the consequences negitive"
"I feel I am being punished"!
Wow! let me get this right... our consequences do not make things better? They only make things worse!
Screw that, I don't want to make things worse.
What does someone do to help someone else make better choices. If I can't make someone do something how will they figure it out? If I can't manage them how will they manage themselves?
Maybe they should be part of the solution, give input and feedback! Co-manage...
I work at a place where we are attempting something so new it scares those of us who work there because it makes us come to terms with the fact, WE ARE NOT IN CONTROL!
In reality those we serve are the ones in control! Some of us have a hard time understanding this! After all we are the grown-ups, we know what is best for those we serve. Don't we?
Well maybe we don't, maybe we don't know jack about them or their problems. Maybe what we need to do is begin building true relationships based on dignity respect and honesty. If you visit this blog more than once you will see that pharse repeatedly...DIGNITY RESPECT HONESTY. easy to type but it can be so hard to live by, after all we are all human and we feel like everyone else. What touches me touches everyone I interact with!
This is going to take some work......Tune in and judge for yourself...
Feedback is always welcome....Thoughts and ideas are also more than welcome.
Share what you can.

Life lessons

OK, so how do you motivate someone who does not want to be motivated?
Do you threaten them?
Do you beg them?
Do you consequence them?
What?
Imagine what life must be like when you have nothing to look forward to or feel wanted or loved by anyone or anything. Imagine what it must feel like when everyone you interact with is paid to do so! Try and imagine that all of your coping skills are nothing more than ineffective behaviors and that those behaviors are the only way you have to communicate.
How many of us can watch the behavior without responding with a behavior? Discover what caused the behavior and you stand a very good chance of ending the behavior.
Treat others with dignity and respect even when they are not treating you in such a manner! Become a positive role model and show others by your actions not only your words.

Life as a endless Power struggle

Ever wonder what the world would be like if we didn't constantly get into needless power struggles? A teenage girl posed this question to me yesterday and I must admit it would be a very pleasant place indeed! What are your thoughts?

Sad News

A wonderful woman I work with had some terrible news last week her partner had a stroke. Her partner is young, in the forties! Brandi My thoughts and prayers are with the both of you.

My how the time does go by

My old truck is dead! here is what I replaced it with!
OK here is another weekend and as you can tell I have not had time to post as much as I would like to have. So what else is new! Time is a very fleeting thing and once it is gone it is gone! Just got another 8 inches of snow yesterday and I must admit Brattleboro looks like a winter wonderland.

Here we go again

So I get through the weekend without any major incidents and just as I think I got by, BAM! My truck dies. The Crisis appears to continue.

Empty nest

OK it's 8:10 and the house is just about back to normal. All the in-laws are gone including the mother in-law and my daughter is off back to school. I am in defcon 0 once again. The world is back to normal, Except my son has bought a pay for view show "Wrestling", but that is even better than the Olympics! I must admit I did enjoy the curling events.

Hello Gina.: College.

Hello Gina.: College.
I am soooo college yesteryear

Weekend Crisis

Well here I am with three adolescents with a bad case of cabin fever! there are driving not only myself crazy but also the dog! The grown-ups for the most part went to play tennis and left the two dads to deal with the Kids! I think some sort of diversion is called for, God help me but here I go!

School Vacation

Everything is the same as it always is. Right, as if! A house full of in-laws and a daughter back for the weekend with a ton of laundry, a dog and the most important a Mother-in-law! Lucky for me they are all really nice folks and are fun to be with. Weekend CRISIS appears to have be diverted for now.

Olympics

I hate to say this but I have had enough of the olympics!

College kids

My daughter came home for the weekend and brought her luandry. All of her laundry, bags of it!
She said to me, " Dad you should be a college student" Hey, been there did that! I love my daughter and it is always good to see her. But just once I would like to see her without the laundry!
I know it is a small thing. And someday it won't bother me so much but it's not that day!

Smashing pumpkins
R S P A A : the Reborn Smashing Pumpkins Audio Archives

Hollywood Records: Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody - Google Video

a bit of fun

Saturday Feb. 18

I will try and post to this blog twice a week unless I can find more time

pod cast

http://dinsdalep.podOmatic.com/entry/2006-02-12T08_27_11-08_00
here is my first post I hope you enjoy it!